March 28
Roy: Darren Aronofsky's biblical epic. If you want a perfect interpretation of the story of Noah don't waste your time or money. But if you want to be blasted in the face with awesome, the line forms behind me. And look! It's Hermione Granger!
Cody: We have three academy award winners here, and they are not shy about telling us that. So either they spent a TON of money (they probably did regardless) or they have a great script. This movie feels like it is stuck between two identities: religion and EPIC. In 2014 you have to blow your audience out of the theater with effects and sounds and other Michael Bay-ian stuff. This looks to promise just that. My verdict is: wait and let someone else tell me if it is awesome or not before I spend my $10 thank you.
March 28
Sabotage
Roy: At one point in my life I was excited for Arnold's term as Governor to end so he could get back to making movies. Right now I'm trying to remember why I ever felt that way. This movie looks terrible. Worse than terrible. It's like Arnold has some really bad dirt on some studio execs and is cashing all of his chips in to make really bad movies no one wants to see. Let's look at his supporting cast. We have a bulked up Sam Worthington with an awesome chin beard, we have Terrance Howard who is trying super hard to look intimidating, we have the lady who was married to Bruce Willis' ghost, and Sawyer! Not a crew that I am going to rush out and see. As I watched this trailer I found myself wondering if it was bring your Grandad to work day for this tactical crew. At least that would make sense.
Roy: At one point in my life I was excited for Arnold's term as Governor to end so he could get back to making movies. Right now I'm trying to remember why I ever felt that way. This movie looks terrible. Worse than terrible. It's like Arnold has some really bad dirt on some studio execs and is cashing all of his chips in to make really bad movies no one wants to see. Let's look at his supporting cast. We have a bulked up Sam Worthington with an awesome chin beard, we have Terrance Howard who is trying super hard to look intimidating, we have the lady who was married to Bruce Willis' ghost, and Sawyer! Not a crew that I am going to rush out and see. As I watched this trailer I found myself wondering if it was bring your Grandad to work day for this tactical crew. At least that would make sense.
Cody: Whoa whoa whoa. You forgot this also includes Marshall's lawyer buddy/man crush from How I Met Your Mother. Total game changer? Right? *crickets* What, you mean there are only a handful of people who even know who that guy is, let alone that he was in a few episodes of HIMYM? What do you mean you think I have a problem? Sheesh... Seriously though, what is Terrance Howard doing in this? He looks as out of place as Arnold's wrinkles. I am gonna go watch Predator to make myself feel better about this whole mess.
Roy: THE GUY WITH CORNROWS IS BRAD!? Hold on..... I just watched this trailer again. IT IS BRAD. Glossing over the fact that I knew the character's name off of the top of my head suggests that I have just as big of a HIMYM problem as you, but I digress... Who in their right mind decided that a white guy was going to have cornrows?? They have Terrance Howard in this movie; he could actually pull this off! This makes the movie instantly unwatchable. And after a second viewing I now have MORE thoughts. Let's look at this exchange.
Arnold: Don't blow your balls off...
Sam Worthington: Don't worry they're made of brass.
Arnold: Are they as big as your wife's??
Cut shot to the entire crew busting a gut.....
......
.....
.....
Let's just move on.
March 28
Bad Words
Cody: Look, if Michael Bluth is making his directorial debut, then I am running toward that product with open arms. This movie looks clever, funny, and, more importantly, original. I think we can expect a formulaic movie that hits all the right buttons and leaves nobody disappointed. We all love Jason Bateman. We all love adorably obnoxious kids (See: Daddy, Big). What more do you need? Sign me up.
Cody: Look, if Michael Bluth is making his directorial debut, then I am running toward that product with open arms. This movie looks clever, funny, and, more importantly, original. I think we can expect a formulaic movie that hits all the right buttons and leaves nobody disappointed. We all love Jason Bateman. We all love adorably obnoxious kids (See: Daddy, Big). What more do you need? Sign me up.
Roy: I really can't say enough about this trailer. If you gave me two hours of nothing else but Jason Bateman berating 13 and 14 year old kids that would be worth $20. This movie looks hysterical. Jason Bateman is perfectly suited to play a bitter adult who is proud of what he is doing in this movie. Am I gushing?? Yes I'm gushing, but can you blame me? This movie is going to be fantastic. There is no other option.
APRIL 4
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Roy: The Captain America franchise is as good as any superhero movie that is being made right now. Regardless of whether or not you think this movie is going to be good, which I personally think it will be, this trailer is fantastic. I like that there is a superhero that is human but just has abnormal strength. It makes the whole story feel less ridiculous. This entire movie just looks like fun. I can't wait to see that elevator scene. Watching Captain America destroy 73 bad guys in a 5 square foot space is something I NEED to see.
Cody: Freedom! Super Heroes! Explosions! America! I don't know man. I never saw the first Captain America, and I didn't hear a ton of good things about it. I think the one saving grace of this is the Avengers franchise. We all saw the Avengers, and we all at least kinda liked it. Having our lovely band of super freaks carrying their own movies is kind of like a fun character development machine for the next Avengers movie (well, aside from Iron Man/RDJ who needs no development at all). I will admit I liked the second Thor movie more than the first one simply because of the Avengers connection. Perhaps the same will be true with the Captain here. Either way, I am probably waiting for this to be on demand.
April 4
AfflictedCody: Whoa. Good thing I am at work right now in the nice bright lights. Some of those scenes were legitimately scary. The problem with scary movies is that you can hardly ever tell what you're getting into from the trailer. You might see a few scary moments among many many more scary, or you may see the three scariest moments from a total dud of a movie. These two guys write, direct, and star in this thing, so that's something? Usually I am very wary of scary movies unless I get a raving review from a friend, but today I am the friend and all of you reading are me. I am going out on a limb here. I am gonna say yes go see this. You will probably not be blown away, but I bet you will be sucked in because of the (overused) style of filming.
Roy: The hook of working backwards and revealing how this all happened is interesting to me. And it's cool that these guys wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. But seriously?? I take issue with the premise. How full of themselves can these two guys be? What makes them think that people want to watch/read about two friends taking on a giant task that will ultimately prove to be more than they can handle? I don't know why people don't understand that the population at large couldn't give two craps about what they perceive as an exciting adventure.....
Cody: Right? Who cares about your journey around the world and all the crazy stuff that happens along the way. Sheesh. The arrogance of some people.
April 4
Alan PartridgeRoy: I am a Steve Coogan fan. The guy is good in everything. Name me one thing you hated Steve Coogan in.... go ahead. I'll wait...... See?? You can't. This looks funny. Let's just set aside the fact that we are anglophiles for a few seconds. This movie has genuine laughs in it. I can just tell. I know it is basically a British remake of Airheads without the rock n' roll. But that isn't stopping me. And as much as I enjoyed Airheads I think this movie will be by far superior in every way.
Cody: British. Humour. In.
April 11
Oculus
Cody: AAAAHHHHHH!!!! THE FEAR IS TOO REAL!!!! Screw that stupid movie I just wrote about up there. That has nothing on what I just witnessed here. This is a class horror film. There is a mirror and it is here to eat your soul. DON'T BLINK AMELIA POND (if you don't get that reference stop wasting your life and go watch Doctor Who you bugger). Of the three trailers so far, I was pulled into this one by far the most. I actually jumped a couple of times. I simultaneously really want to watch this and dread the 105 minutes I will spend doing so. That is what you want out of the horror genre.Roy: Welp. I'm never eating an apple again. This looks not only good but downright terrifying. We all have multiple mirrors in our homes. And the thought that something might be living in them that wants to murder us? Um.... PASS. To this day. I won't look into a mirror and say "Bloody Mary" three times. I'm an adult. I know nothing would happen. But I'm also not crazy enough to play fast and loose with certain life rules, and summoning a dead child through your bathroom mirror to eat your face clearly falls into that category. Hey! Did you also half expect to see Rory and The Doctor come screaming around the corner to save Amelia?? (Seriously people. Doctor Who. Now.)
April 11
Draft DayRoy: I am SO torn here. Apparently The NFL is making movies now. And they have some star power buying into this idea. I know it's easy to trash Costner. And I might get destroyed for this, but I have always kinda liked the movies he did that everyone hated. Yes. I liked Waterworld. I liked The Postman. But what made The NFL think that the country would want to go see a movie about Cleveland!? Once I realize its a Cleveland Brown movie immediately I'm doubting that anything Kevin Costner pulls out of his hat will actually work. And I'm also supposed to buy that Jennifer Garner is his girlfriend? or wife? He's almost old enough to be her dad. This whole formula just feels weird to me. I don't think I can take this seriously. ..... It's the Cleveland Browns.
Cody: What a heaping horrific pile of dog poo. There is so much wrong with this, I don't know where to start. I will start with the premise I guess. We are supposed to buy into the Hollywood formulaic movie arc on the subject matter of the NFL draft day? So we go up up up CRASH only to go up again at the last possible second (whatever trade Costner is allegedly making in this trailer). Any draft day move, whether it be a pick or a trade, wouldn't pan out for months afterwards. Also, nobody gets fired on the day of the draft, because nobody in the world knows what will happen with all these new players. The only other point I will bring up is one that needs to be rehashed from Roy's comments above: IT'S THE CLEVELAND EFFING BROWNS. That is all.
Roy: Also are we supposed to believe that the biggest drama in the Cleveland war room on draft day doesn't have anything to do with lunch? And we haven't even got to Dennis Leary being a Super Bowl winning coach, from Dallas no less (apparently Jerry Jones doesn't own the Cowboys in this movie??) who is now at Cleveland.... um. Super Bowl caliber coaches don't go to Cleveland. This is why their coach is named Mike Pettine and not Jim Harbaugh.....
April 11
Joe
Roy: ANOTHER one that I'm torn on. Usually I'm running away from a Nicholas Cage movie like.... Well... like someone might force me to watch a Nicholas Cage movie. But I want to believe he can be who he was in some of his better films. And this looks like he just might have done it! Right!? right?? Anyone else? I'm all alone here? Oh wait there's someone way in the back with their hand up! Oh... nope. they were just stretching. Look it might be good! Leave me alone!Cody: Nic Cage Nic Cage Nic Cage...... Nic Cage.... I will say this. The story looks good. There seems to be real emotion going on. It doesn't look terrible? Oh who am I kidding I have no idea... It's Nic Cage man. Who can ever guess how these things will turn out?? I'm a cat. I'm a sexy cat. *storms out*
April 18
Cody: This looks like that movie that comes along that looks and feels like there is something there, but eventually completely underwhelms. We have one of these a month if not more. Am I assuming it will underwhelm because it is centered around Johnny Depp who I am convinced is purposefully trying to torpedo his career? That may be playing a role yes. It just looks like it will end up being a little bit too weird and a little bit too forced. I am staying away from this one.
Roy: Woah dude. You couldn't be more wrong here. In addition to Johnny Depp, this has Morgan Freeman, Paul Bettany, AND Kate Mara which you would know who she is if you ever bothered to watch the brilliant season one of America Horror Story OR House of Cards. I think this looks way more Secret Window than Lone Ranger. The story looks super unique and interesting. Because I have a wife and four kids I rarely get to see movies in the theater, so I will wait for on demand but I think this is going to be really quite good.
April 25
Cody: The not so good in the first place John Tucker Must Die is being rebooted. Interesting choice Hollywood. And for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to include Nicki Minaj in this one? EW. I love Kate Upton as much as the next guy and the other two ladies in this are awesome too, but I just can't... This actually will probably not be terrible, but it is exactly the kind of movie that is instantly forgettable. So if it is alright with you, I am going to go ahead and skip the watching it part and just forget it right now.
Roy: In my experience there are not a bunch of movies where a couple can go out and both want to see the same thing. This is a perfect date night movie. Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann are both great, and I suspect their good chemistry is going to carry this film. Am I afraid that Kate Upton can't act and was cast for two very specific reasons? Yes. Yes I am. But overall this movie looks funny. Watching three scorned women exact their revenge on The Kingslayer isn't a bad way to spend an hour and a half or so with your wife; who will probably enjoy the movie more than you. This isn't going to be anything close to the best thing you will see in 2014. But it won't be anywhere close to the worst either.
Cody: This is where being a single male has its perks. I don't have to watch any chicky stuff I don't want to. And I never ever ever want to watch chick flicks as we know. Yup. Hate them. What? Don't look at me like that... It's the internet. I can say whatever I want even if it is a bold faced lie! Dangit..
April 25
Roy: Usually, I'm not even remotely interested in movies like this. But mixing parkour and martial arts? This looks like it might be worth my time. I'm not seeing it in the theater, but if its on Netflix? Absolutely I'm watching. Just to see that dude run up walls and fall 80 feet and not die. Is this Paul Walker's final film before he died? If so that is a huge bummer. He looks like he was branching out a little into action away from The Fast and the Furious 19.
Cody: Look the best Paul Walker movie ever is and will always be Into the Blue in my completely biased opinion. Pirates, Jessica Alba, treasure. That is a great bad movie right there! (Great bad movies are movies we all know are not truly good, but are super fun to watch anyway. See: Tale, A Knight's). So yes, this guy made other movies outside of the Fast series. Seeing as this is his last movie (barring potentially a few scenes in the upcoming Fast 7) I think a lot of people will flock to it. I agree with you though, this feels like something you catch on Netflix on a boring Sunday afternoon.
April 25
Cody: So we've got Bane (Tom Hardy) in his car making a series of phone calls that appear to have escalating life altering consequences. The run time is 85 minutes which puts it right in the ball park of a similar movie: Phone Booth. When your entire movie is one man on screen you have to manage your run time so you don't dilute your material. Unless of course that one man is Tom Hanks, in which case do whatever the heck you want, because we will watch and cry anyway. Seriously, I don't know what it is about these movies that get to me, but I can't get enough. I loved Phone Booth, I loved Cast Away, and I will probably end up loving this. Count me in.
Roy: Let's not forget how Tom Hardy dazzled us in Inception. This guy is good. So good that he has quickly risen to the level of "Oh Tom Hardy is in that? Sure, I'll take a look." And though I didn't love Phone Booth I didn't not like it either. But I'm not a huge Colin Farrell fan. That being said, I'm ready to watch this now. The drama of his family, business, and friends all looking to him for answers he doesn't have is incredibly tense and enticing. Movies like this prove who can and cannot act well. Tom Hardy lands squarely in the former of the two.
Cody: "Tom Hardy dazzled us in Inception", said Roy with the fervor he always felt when he laid eyes upon this strong jawed man......what?
Roy: Those of us who live in man-crush glass houses with Jason Bateman shouldn't throw stones..
MAY 2
Roy: Spider-Man movies make me nervous. I think that is mainly because of how badly Hollywood jacked up the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man franchise. That being said, Andrew Garfield is an excellent Spider-Man and I really enjoyed the first Amazing Spider-Man. I still think they always try too hard to make him sound clever mid-battle but that comes with the territory. The action in this looks amazing (bad pun intended). I'm going to be terrified through the whole movie that Emma Stone's character might/is probably going to die. Mary Jane has to come into the equation at some point... right?
Cody: I think Tobey did an honorable job as Spider-Man. That
Roy: Here we go. Dude. Enough. I don't care if half drunk chicks at college bars do tell you that you sound
Cody: I have heard it sober once or twice...anyway, Garfield is
MAY 9
Cody: Ok. I am going to try to contrI AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MOVIE OMG IT LOOKS SO RIDICULOUSLY AWEsome. Whew. Almost let that get away from me. The cast is a who's who of people I think are just the best. Underrated? Rose Byrne and Dave Franco. There's two people who are underrated. Plus the main billing of Efron and Rogen, and the characters they are cast in are just the best. If this movie ends up being a dud it will be worse than the time Stewie ran out of juice. But seriously. This is going to be phe-freaking-nomenal.
Roy: Wait.... James Franco has a younger brother!? Roughly 4,723 different things look funny about this movie. I am also prepared to watch Dave Franco impersonate Robert Deniro for hours. And did Zach Efron pop steroids out of a little PEZ dispenser with a Barry Bonds oversized head to make this movie? But really, none of this matters. Do I want to see Rose Byrne and Seth Rogen take on an entire frat house and probably end up kinda winning? The question is who doesn't want to see that? Of course there is a large portion of people that over the top adult comedies don't appeal to. And that's ok. If that's you, don't feel bad. The rest of us know we're just large children.
May 9
Roy: It has been too long since Jon Favreau has been doing Jon Favreau things not named Iron Man or The Avengers. This looks like we are getting vintage Favreau here. Looks to be a great cast and a story about a man chasing his dream and connecting with his son, and along the way teaching him that your dreams are attainable. This is something I want to see. But it begs the question... Is Scarlett Johanssen a vamprie? Does the woman sleep? She is everywhere right now. I'm serious. Go outside right now. Close your eyes. Throw a stick. I've got ten bucks that says you hit Scarlett Johanssen.
Cody: Um.....so if anyone asks I have never met ScarJo. And I DEFINITELY don't know anything about her being "assaulted" in Detroit, Michigan on April 15th. Hypothetically, you should probably warn people about your super powers man. Just in case someone decided to take your challenge super seriously. Again, hypothetically, does anyone know anything about removing sticks from eyeballs? Because that may or may not be rather important to my future well being at this particular moment....but seriously, someone call me.
Oh, right. This movie looks really good!
MAY 16
GodzillaRoy: I gotta say. I'm not sold here. The effects look
Cody: I am not sure how to discuss this trailer because it creates simultaneous, polarizing feelings inside of me. The amount of times I watched the classic japanese Godzilla movies as a kid is frankly nothing short of astonishingly impressive (and no, not embarrassing in any way). Of course I watched the Broderick version with rapt attention. Roy you are correct; it was not good. Although, I maintain the Madison Square Garden scene was kinda cool. The problem is, what made Godzilla so cool was first and foremost the mass destruction from this giant, unbeatable monster. Now every Hollywood movie has to have more destruction and explosions than the last. Everything has to be bigger, bigger, bigger. It has made it that much harder to appreciate a simple story like the product-of-humanity's-endless-nuclear-testing-rising-out-of-the-sea-to-take-revenge-on-our-buildings-and-trains. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for "Gojira," King of the Monsters, but Hollywood has cheapened his crown.
Roy: *Stands up out of his chair to give Cody a sarcastic building slow clap for digging deep and finding the ability to wax on, pretentiously, about a movie featuring a really big dinosaur that somehow is immune to every explosive ever invented...*
And P.S. Those trains deserved everything they got and more. Stupid trains zipping around the world bullying everyone. Now THAT's a villain. Has anyone ever survived after being hit by a train. Let me answer that for you. No. Those things are terrifying.
Cody: *Hears slow clap. Takes a bow* I would like to thank myself in 10 years, because that is who I am chasing. Me 10 years from now will have a whole new slew of films to pretentiously wax on about that I haven't seen yet, and I am not about to sit here and let me out pretentious myself.
P.P.S. Down with trains!!
MAY 16
Cody: Can I pass? Can I just pretend this movie doesn't exist? I know that the
Roy: Did you take stupid pills this morning? Don Draper wants to sell you Indian Cricket players converted into major league pitchers and you walk out of the board room with your nose up in the air like you work for Lucky Strike desperately trying to pretend you didn't just hear the best sales pitch ever? Don Freaking Draper brought us to tears over a picture merry-go-round and this is where the line is for you? Are we not sports fans!? Is this not right in our wheelhouse!? You say yes to a T-Rex on a Zach Efron workout plan but no to Don Draper, Alan Arkin, baseball, and a bucket-load of heart!? Shame. SHAME.
Cody: I'm not crying? Who's crying? Is anyone crying with me?
MAY 23
The Angriest Man in BrooklynCody: Mila Kunis is really turning into a hot commodity in Hollywood, and I couldn't be more proud of Jackie/Meg.
Roy: I'm not going to sit here and not pretend that you don't not have a point about this "type" of movie. But I will say this. None of these movie so far have had Robin Williams and Tyrion Lannister in them! Am I the only one who feels that those two actors instantly make this movie worth your time? Not only that this movie obviously has a crazy Mila Kunis and looks to have an amazing ... a whole lot of heart. I know that sometimes Robin Williams tries just way too hard to be Robin Williams but I will always give his movies a shot because you never know when he's going to turn into vintage, brilliant, hysterical, make you cry Robin Williams.
MAY 23
Cody: First, I would like to say, yes. Also...yes. And most importantly...YES. The X-Men series has been long, and it has had its ups and downs. This trailer makes it look like sticking with them through all these years is going to pay off in a big way. So many characters from the series appear here that we have seen built up through the movies. It is X-Men First Class meets the original trilogy. Wolverine is going back in time to be save the world and be his usual smug and distant self? He has to convince Magneto and Dr. X to be besties?? I am so in. Just the idea of "Wolverine: Peaceful Mediator" is enough for me.
Editor's Note: YESYESYESYES....I say yes in a different tone....um, Hugh Jackman. Nuff' said.
Roy: Just so we're all on the same page here. The official Editor for The COARD is my brilliant sister, Julie. She has an..... let's call it, "unhealthy" (that's what it says on the restraining order) fascination with Hugh Jackman. Just prepare yourself for future Jackman movies, folks. I liked the first two X-Men movies. I disliked the third so much that I told myself I was done with the franchise. Once they started making Wolverine movies I watched the first one and didn't hate it but haven't seen any X-Men movies since. This might just bring me back though. David Fassbender is brilliant in everything he does. And Wolverine traveling through time to unite the mutants is something I definitely WANT to see. So if Cody and Julie will scoot over and make some room, I would like a seat on the bandwagon please.
Editor's Note: The seat next to me is saved for Hugh. Sorry, jump in the back of the wagon. I'll throw some hay and blankets back there for your comfort.
MAY 23
BlendedRoy: If you tell me Adam Sandler is making a new movie? I'm cautious. The dude's movies make money hand over fist but I don't think all of them are that great. You tell me hes making another romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore? I'm running to see that and taking my wife. The Wedding Singer is not only hilarious, it's just a good movie. Period. As is 50 First Dates. These two have chemistry. Now they add five kids to the mix? Yeah. I'm in.
Cody: I am not saying that Sandler is keeping Barrymore's career alive by himself at this point, but I am not not saying that either. I am a self diagnosed Sandler addict. I keep going to his duds just because of how many laughs he has gifted me over the years. I was one of 19 people who saw Jack and Jill in theaters. This, on the other hand, does not look terrible. It is a clever take on the classic, "This man and woman can't stand each other, but they sure are stuck in this situation. Now let's watch them fall in love" gimmick. We know what we are getting here, and I am ok with that. I will be catching this at some point.
Roy: Wait.... you paid actual real money to see this pile of poo??
MAY 30
Roy: Cody, do you have any Maleficent stock you would like to sell me? 'Cause... um. I'm buying it. In fact if any of you readers out there would like to sell me Maleficent stock I am buying every share I can find. Disney showed us last summer that they can take a live action movie that deals strictly in fantasy and make it really quite good. I have always felt that of all the Disney villains, Maleficent was by far the scariest. They cast this perfectly with Angelina Jolie, and Sleeping Beauty is Dakota Fanning's little sister! This is gonna be worth your time. Trust me.
Cody: I didn't see the new Oz movie, but I did see the new Snow White film. Because of that, I am standing pat on my Maleficent stock. Kristen Stewart sucks, and I am not really Hemsworth's biggest fan either. What I am a fan of, was the beautiful Charlize Theron's performance in that movie. She knocked it out of the park as the evil soul sucking Ravenna. Logic insists that I will enjoy Angelina Jolie playing a similar role. I am just leery of this new trend of "Hollywoodizing" our classic fairy tales. I am going to continue beating the dead horse that is Hollywood doing everything way over the top so you can all just suck it up. So along that thought line, what in the name of Walt Disney is a dragon doing in a Sleeping Beauty trailer??
Roy: Dude, how much do you really know about Sleeping Beauty?? I'm guessing the answer is not much. FYI....one of the scariest moments of my childhood, right there. Ok, truth...I'm a little scared right now after watching that scene in my bedroom while typing this... at 3:55pm on a Monday afternoon.
Cody: Uh.....so maybe the dragon does belong in this trailer......I am 98% sure I have never even seen that movie. It just seemed far-fetched at first glance? Oops? This trailer still feels over the top regardless of how ignorant I am to its actual content.
MAY 30
Roy: One night while trying to find something new to watch my wife and I stumbled across Ted. She expressed a mild interest in watching the movie and I definitely wasn't going to rock the boat. Although I did warn her, there was the obligatory... "you know this is a Seth Mcfarlane movie right?? Family Guy?" She told me she was aware who made it and it turned out she really enjoyed it. It may have been the cute, little teddy bear, but I think it was more of the fact that Seth Mcfarlane makes a good movie. It's funny, smart, and does have some heart to go along with everything else. I don't expect this to be any different. Neil Patrick Harris in an old-timey moustache?? SOLD. I definitely plan to see this, if nothing else to watch a guy get squished by a giant block of ice.
June 6
Edge of Tomorrow
Roy: Ok. I'm going to do my best to remain calm here. *Goes through the breathing exercises he learned from watching Mr. Miagi tutor Daniel-san in the great and ancient art of Karate, countless times* My inner science fiction child/nerd is waiting to see this movie with so much anticipation he's basically doing the pee-pee dance. This is going to be really good. I'm so excited for this movie! Does the real-life Tom Cruise terrify me? Yes. Almost as much as trains. But Hollywood is full of weirdos. Once we stop seeing their movies because of their personal lives we are on a slippery slope of watching no movies ever again. I know some people disliked it, but I loved Oblivion. M83 crushed the soundtrack in that movie and if the trailer is any indication of the score for this movie, it's going to be equally as satisfying. I will be there June 6. Opening night. Cody will be joining me. Regardless of what he writes about this trailer.
Cody: WHOA! Let me just....WHOA! I have my nerdy tendencies, but Roy has always been much deeper into the sci-fi fandom than I have. I read his review before I watched this trailer, and I wasn't really sure what to expect when I clicked play....WHOA! First of all, Emily Blunt. This Anglophile is prepared to watch just about anything with her wonderful British accent in it. Second of all, are you serious? Ethan Hunt has been placed into a future alien war and must relive the same day over and over again?? If that doesn't ruffle your feathers, then, I'm sorry, but your life needs adjusting. Love the concept, love the Blunt, love the Cruise, see ya June 6th
Roy: Ok. I'm going to do my best to remain calm here. *Goes through the breathing exercises he learned from watching Mr. Miagi tutor Daniel-san in the great and ancient art of Karate, countless times* My inner science fiction child/nerd is waiting to see this movie with so much anticipation he's basically doing the pee-pee dance. This is going to be really good. I'm so excited for this movie! Does the real-life Tom Cruise terrify me? Yes. Almost as much as trains. But Hollywood is full of weirdos. Once we stop seeing their movies because of their personal lives we are on a slippery slope of watching no movies ever again. I know some people disliked it, but I loved Oblivion. M83 crushed the soundtrack in that movie and if the trailer is any indication of the score for this movie, it's going to be equally as satisfying. I will be there June 6. Opening night. Cody will be joining me. Regardless of what he writes about this trailer.
Cody: WHOA! Let me just....WHOA! I have my nerdy tendencies, but Roy has always been much deeper into the sci-fi fandom than I have. I read his review before I watched this trailer, and I wasn't really sure what to expect when I clicked play....WHOA! First of all, Emily Blunt. This Anglophile is prepared to watch just about anything with her wonderful British accent in it. Second of all, are you serious? Ethan Hunt has been placed into a future alien war and must relive the same day over and over again?? If that doesn't ruffle your feathers, then, I'm sorry, but your life needs adjusting. Love the concept, love the Blunt, love the Cruise, see ya June 6th
June 6
Roy: Yeah man, Completely original. It's not like Mandy Moore ever made a movie about a teenage girl dying and finding love.... Oh wait that was called A Walk To Remember. Ok. Now, this movie is slightly different from that last crapfest (just because this particular movie currently sits in my DVD collection means nothing. You hear me!? NOTHING! My wife liked the movie when it came out and I bought it for her! I've seen that movie maybe twice in my entire life. GEEZ back off with the fifth degree already) I just posted a link to it. It needs to be said, this looks much better. Hippie-do weirdo Shailene Woodley (the girl eats clay....for serious.... and that's not even the weirdest thing she does. Google is your best friend on this subject) has a terminal illness that a cancer survivor helps her through while they fall in love. This doesn't look terrible. Just really sad. It feels like this is a movie about how she lived right before she died. I suppose if my wife really wanted to see it I would watch it, but I doubt I will either line up for it or intend to watch it.
Cody: Amazing how you translated my "semi-original" quote into the objectively different "completely original." Do you have to do special training to read whatever you want to see, or does it just come naturally to you?
Editor's Note: This movie was a book first....a book that EVERYONE on Facebook is apparently reading right at this moment......and they all say it is fantastic. But as all movie critics are aware, most movies fall short of the original story.
June 6
The Sacrament
Cody: There is a special place of hatred saved inside of me for movies like this. I want to take nothing away from the acting, directing, producing, etc. This may be the best made movie in all of history for all I know (doubtful). What irks me about movies like this is the subject matter. I understand not all movies are sunshine and lollipops. Although some movies are made to challenge us, challenge our values (see: Crash), I am pretty sure this movie is just supposed to creep us out a lot. The problem I have with a "horror" movie like this, is that it is way too realistic of a scenario. Because of the realism, movies like this come across, to me, as some sort of statement on humanity. That statement is always: humanity sucks. I would end up leaving this movie incredibly bummed about the horrible things people are capable of. Why would I do that when I could instead watch Tom Cruise kill aliens in a giant robot suit? I wouldn't, but I won't judge any of you if this is your cup of tea. So Roy, are you gonna drink this Kool-Aid?
Roy: I wonder if they are watching movies like this at the base of the Hale-Bopp Comet? Cody was probably way too young to remember, but for a kid who went through his teenage years in the 1990s when a string of these cults were in the main stream media, these movies make me fudge my pants a little. People do some really weird and scary crap, many times using the name of God as a tool to work their special brand of psychotic brainwashing on those lonely and gullible enough to buy into it. I have no desire to watch two film makers excitedly going to a different country to film a religious group who are slowly murdered by a man who is playing God to his followers. I would sooner see a movie about men and women trying to out-vegas each other. But I may be getting ahead of myself.
June 13
22 Jump Street
Roy: I never saw 21 Jump Street although I heard not terrible things about it. It seems like Hollywood has managed to make a funny buddy cop movie with good action. Because it was a famous re-make of a well loved TV show, I was nervous about the movie and never made it a priority. However, this trailer doesn't looks too bad. I could easily be convinced to go see this with some friends. But after re-reading that paragraph I just wrote I notice a pattern has developed. I used words like "not terrible," and "not too bad." This is hardly a ringing endorsement. In fact I am struggling to write a whole lot about this movie. I think that says everything we need to know. It's probably ok. It probably has some decent laughs. If you go to this movie expecting something different you will be disappointed, and let's be honest, you may be disappointed no matter what you expect.
Cody: I went into 21 Jump Street expecting a few laughs and a half decent way to blow a couple of hours. I was shocked to find myself rolling with laughter nearly the entire movie. It quickly shot up on my "stupid movies that are really funny" list. Anchorman is the all-time undisputed champion of that list, obviously. I would guess that most of America found themselves in the same pleasantly surprised boat as me. This would be how we ended up with a 22 Jump Street. The Golden Rule of Hollywood is, as we all know, "if something makes money, then sequels sequels and more sequels" (see: Furious #412, Fast and). The thing about "stupid movies that are really funny," is that their sequels tend to be extreme let downs. Dumb and Dumberer anybody? Eh? You just can't catch lightning in a bottle twice. So despite how much I would like to disagree with Roy's completely unfounded smugness, I think we are headed for a let down after the success of 21 Jump Street.
Roy: I sincerely hope you were trashing this movie, and not the forthcoming and brilliant herald of amzingness that will be Dumb and Dumber To. Because.... If you dare besmirch the wrong one here I may pack you in a crate and send you off to a Jesus-murder cult in Central America. ... ... ... well that got dark fast.
June 13
How to Train Your Dragon 2
Roy: The first How To Train Your Dragon really took me by surprise. I was extremely skeptical when we rented it for the kids and I sat down to watch it with them and expected to sleep through half of it and in 90 minutes the experience would be over. What I was not expecting was to be blown away by a fun movie with a bunch of heart that was also quite funny. I don't expect too much to be different with the second one. It is a sequel so re-capturing the magic will be difficult because it can't be "the fun little movie that surprised us all" anymore. It now has expectations attached to it. I have no idea if it will live up to it, but from that trailer it feels like it might. I'm looking forward to this.
Cody: This trailer was fantastic. I did not see How to Train Your Dragon, but watching this trailer made me feel like I was missing out. The problem is, the quality of a trailer and the quality of the movie do not have to be correlated at all. Hollywood has a knack for creating animated kids trailers in a way that makes them look appealing to all ages. I think we all know this is not always the case. Being a single male in my early 20's, there are only so many of these types of films that I find the motivation to get around to. On the other hand, these are perfect for the Roy Johnsons' of the world who have four children to entertain. Now that I would have to watch the first one to see the second one, it feels like something that I will just never get around to. Poke me when the next Pixar comes out.
June 20
Think Like a Man Too
Cody: I really just don't understand how this happens. Think Like a Man was a movie about some sort of funny contrived competition between guys and girls centered around a relationship book. So Think Like a Man Too has to be about some sort of funny contrived competition between guys and girls centered around something else....right? No. The answer is no. There is no rule that says you have to make your sequel a carbon copy of the first one and sprinkle a little Vegas on top. Instead of making the exact same movie again, why not introduce a new wrinkle and let the characters interact in a new way? Maybe Kevin Hart's character gets fired from his job for being vastly overrated and his bros and their GFs have to help him deal with his issues. Along the way they come to realize their own faults and achieve meaningful self-growth. Eh? EH? I really just wanted to work Kevin Hart and overrated into the same sentence. Did it feel natural? Anyway, this looks ridiculous. Bachelor and bachelorette parties cannot be made into competitions. That doesn't even make sense. I am sure whatever Roy says on this will be more interesting than the entire movie.
Roy: Allow me to quote Cody "Kevin Hart and Patton Oswalt are the same person. Both entirely overrated." This has been the cornerstone of many conversations between myself and Cody. I will now disagree with my best friend... I like Patton Oswalt. The man is actually quite funny, especially his stand up. Kevin Hart, however. I mean, are we all done pretending he's funny yet? Oh wait, I'm supposed to like another tiny comedian who yells and screams all the time to compensate for his small stature? I'm supposed to care about a movie where the token white male is portrayed as an uptight, uncool guy who gets mixed up with our main characters and is basically around to be made fun of? I understand there is another side to this debate where the token black guy has played that part many times in movies filled with white people. But just because that statement is accurate doesn't make this version any more original than the other 8,000 times it has been done in other movies. Um... pass.
Cody: Kevin Hart's stand up is every bit as funny as Patton Oswalt's. That is to say, below average to decent. The only reason anyone would find these two people remotely different is if they are a full blown RACIST.
June 20
Third Person
Roy: So here were Roy's immediate thoughts upon viewing this trailer. WHOA. Liam Neeson. Someone is about to get messed up. Roy has to say he was pretty disappointed to see that Liam didn't throw one punch and didn't break one face in this entire trailer. Apparently this is another "Paul Haggis creates characters that aren't related, but wait they are all related to one another somehow" type of movie. Roy didn't hate Crash, he just felt like it won best picture because it was in a really weak field. Roy wants you to look at this list, it was a down year for Oscar. So Roy is not running out to see this either. The main thing it has going for it is the stellar cast, that is the only reason Roy would give it a shot. He knows every actor in this movie will knock it out of the park. But the story? eh...
Editor's note: Editor apologizes for editor's brother "speaking" in a third person monologue, while reviewing a trailer. Editor is slightly embarrassed by the brother.
Cody: Sometimes you (and the rest of America) can be so woefully lost that it saddens me, the truest disciple of interconnected story arcs. Crash was absolutely fantastic. It CHALLENGED us, Roy. Don't you see that? Cody just doesn't understand why nobody else shares his wisdom. Crash is always belittled as a castoff Oscar winner. Is it really any worse than No Country for Old Men, which beat Juno? Or Hurt Locker, which just had to outdo the feel good cheese ball movie of the century, the Blind Side? In Cody's opinion, which is the only one he considers to matter, Crash is decidedly deserving of its best picture award. Now Cody is going back to talk about Third Person. He likes this cast even more than the cast for Crash. Plus, it doesn't look like any sympathetic youths will be shot at the end of this one. Cody will be there with a giant popcorn positively basking in the glow of what is certain to be a magnificent interwoven tapestry of fantastimazement. Yea Cody just combined fantastic and amazement. Deal with it.
Roy: Roy thinks Cody also combined something no one cares about with something he finds deeply interesting. And it should be noted that Roy didn't say that Crash was garbage. In fact, Roy thought Crash was a really good movie. Just not the best movie of the year. Do you have to work at running off on a tangent when Roy has his own opinion or is it something that comes natural to you?
Editor's note: Editor also apologizes for Cody, no relation to editor, for also speaking in third person. Editor is not quite as embarrassed for Cody as she was for Roy.
June 27
Begin Again
Cody: I once saw a movie called Just Like Heaven. It might be the worst movie I have ever loved. Ok, fine there is no way that is true; I love so many terrible movies. Regardless, I have always had a soft spot for Ruffalo since then. I find myself rooting for him in everything he is in. So when I see him visualizing instruments playing in accompaniment with Kiera Knightley, I imagine the best song ever recorded. Knightley is just an adorable human, and do we also have a Voice reunion going on in this movie? I honestly don't know what to realistically expect. I think the safest guess would be the classic, "good, not great." I do know that for me it doesn't matter how "good" it is, because I will inevitably gobble it down like Kool-Aid at a cult rally......wait, what?
Roy: I want to like this movie. I also really like Mark Ruffalo and think he is good in everything he does. Plus name one movie where Keira Knightly sucked. *waiting...* See? You can't. So it definitely has the star power to go places. Unfortunately, I think that people don't really care to see a movie like this. So it will inevitably not get the respect or financial support it deserves and will just sort of coast through the summer without anyone making a fuss over it. Which is a shame. But I'm part of the problem. Am I running out to support this movie? No. In fact of the 10 movies we are reviewing this month this one is the 6th or 7th on my list. But I want to see this. "Begin Again" would be a great On Demand Saturday night movie. I love music, I love these actors, but I think the story may turn out to be "just ok."
Editor's note: ya, this is the fourth editor's note....deal with it. I highly doubt, Roy, that you have seen every Kiera Knightley movie ever made....which makes you unable to judge whether or not she has sucked in anything. Sorry, but I don't get a real good visual of you sitting around, enjoying a healthy dose of Pride and Prejudice. I don't think she's that superb....I would say she's "just ok." Her characters have a large "sameness" quality about them, no matter who she's portraying.
June 27
Snowpiercer
Roy: Holy cow you wanna talk original story? Ok, lets talk original story. The world attempts to stop global warming and in the process creates a new ice age that kills every living thing on the planet except for the people who board this train that has a perpetual motion engine. A class system forms and revolution happens. My nerdiness is well documented at this point. You can't just wave a movie like this in front of me and expect me to not lose my mind. I can't wait to see this and do not understand why it's not a bigger deal. It's a limited release, is that because it's directed by Joon-ho Bong? Is it because it is from a french graphic novel? it has a good cast. The lady who is obviously in charge and wants to keep the class system going is Tilda Swinton, that's the witch queen from this movie. She's a fantastic actress and this whole thing just looks great. I need to see this movie.
Cody: A perpetual motion engine? That is all it takes to keep an entire civilization alive on board of a train? How do they keep up their food supply? I am guessing the "tail section" does not get a large portion of the rations on Le Transperceneige. Yea, that's right, I looked up the name of the French book, and it's awesome. I will tell everyone exactly how this is going to go for me and Roy, personally. While this movie looks just fine, I am not really feeling a strong vibe from it. Roy will end up watching it on demand after it has been released on DVD. He will absolutely lose his bananas over it. He will plead with me to watch it, to which I will respond, "eh." Finally one day I will be at his house, and he will force me to watch it. I will enjoy myself. He will be smug. It's what we do. So what was the point of this anecdote? It is to say that I believe this movie is what it is. If you tend to like this sort of thing, then you should watch this. If you tend not to, then don't waste your time. I think we are all getting exactly what we expect here.
Roy: Next up on Roy's "Movie-list-that-he-recommended-to-Cody-who-in-turn-passed-on-it-like-it-was-a-poopie-diaper-that-was-being-waved-in-front-of-his-face?" Oblivion. That movie was great, and when Cody inevitably comes over at some point this weekend, we are watching that underrated gem and he will enjoy it and I will happily tell him I told him so. This is a real thing. Other movies on this list include: First Blood, Red Dawn (the original), Garden State, and Dances with Wolves. Can you people believe what I'm dealing with over here!?
Cody: I have expressed real interest in Red Dawn The Original, thank you very much.
June 27
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Cody: Boy, are they running out of plot lines for Transformer movies. The second one got way too deus es machina on us by magically raising both Sam and Optimus Prime back from the dead. The third one smartly went more "realistic," by finally answering the question of what would happen if humans actually exiled the Autobots (the never ending theme). Low and behold, in the fourth one it looks like we are again going to tell the Autobots we don't need their help anymore. At what point are the humans going to understand the fundamental equation: super advanced alien robots > humans. After Mark Wahlberg has made what I can only assume will be three movies? After Megatron has been killed and revived 17 times? After every single villain has made an appearance and knocked down 57 buildings each? All that being said, the first Transformers was fantastic, and I will probably Netflix this movie at some point. Nobody does beautiful massive destruction and explosions like giant robots and Michael Bay. It is what it is people.
Roy: Did we miss the Hollywood meeting were Michael Bay decided he was only doing Transformer movies from now until the end of time? For a guy that does explosions and action as well as anyone in the business why is he wasting his time on the same story being told over and over. How long can this go on? Is this some form of punishment that he is forced into doing that we know nothing about? Making Optimus and the gang fight robot dinosaurs in no way makes me want to see this. I am perfectly content to wait for the fantastically-casted Jurassic World, and all that it promises to bring. Mainly it's not going to bring alien robots the size of houses that turn into regular sized vehicles to blend in and hide, which they do a terrible job of because they are always found, and when they fight they tend to do it in the most populated areas of the globe. Sooo..........
Editor's Note: This movie was a book first....a book that EVERYONE on Facebook is apparently reading right at this moment......and they all say it is fantastic. But as all movie critics are aware, most movies fall short of the original story.
June 6
Cody: There is a special place of hatred saved inside of me for movies like this. I want to take nothing away from the acting, directing, producing, etc. This may be the best made movie in all of history for all I know (doubtful). What irks me about movies like this is the subject matter. I understand not all movies are sunshine and lollipops. Although some movies are made to challenge us, challenge our values (see: Crash), I am pretty sure this movie is just supposed to creep us out a lot. The problem I have with a "horror" movie like this, is that it is way too realistic of a scenario. Because of the realism, movies like this come across, to me, as some sort of statement on humanity. That statement is always: humanity sucks. I would end up leaving this movie incredibly bummed about the horrible things people are capable of. Why would I do that when I could instead watch Tom Cruise kill aliens in a giant robot suit? I wouldn't, but I won't judge any of you if this is your cup of tea. So Roy, are you gonna drink this Kool-Aid?
Roy: I wonder if they are watching movies like this at the base of the Hale-Bopp Comet? Cody was probably way too young to remember, but for a kid who went through his teenage years in the 1990s when a string of these cults were in the main stream media, these movies make me fudge my pants a little. People do some really weird and scary crap, many times using the name of God as a tool to work their special brand of psychotic brainwashing on those lonely and gullible enough to buy into it. I have no desire to watch two film makers excitedly going to a different country to film a religious group who are slowly murdered by a man who is playing God to his followers. I would sooner see a movie about men and women trying to out-vegas each other. But I may be getting ahead of myself.
June 13
Roy: I never saw 21 Jump Street although I heard not terrible things about it. It seems like Hollywood has managed to make a funny buddy cop movie with good action. Because it was a famous re-make of a well loved TV show, I was nervous about the movie and never made it a priority. However, this trailer doesn't looks too bad. I could easily be convinced to go see this with some friends. But after re-reading that paragraph I just wrote I notice a pattern has developed. I used words like "not terrible," and "not too bad." This is hardly a ringing endorsement. In fact I am struggling to write a whole lot about this movie. I think that says everything we need to know. It's probably ok. It probably has some decent laughs. If you go to this movie expecting something different you will be disappointed, and let's be honest, you may be disappointed no matter what you expect.
Cody: I went into 21 Jump Street expecting a few laughs and a half decent way to blow a couple of hours. I was shocked to find myself rolling with laughter nearly the entire movie. It quickly shot up on my "stupid movies that are really funny" list. Anchorman is the all-time undisputed champion of that list, obviously. I would guess that most of America found themselves in the same pleasantly surprised boat as me. This would be how we ended up with a 22 Jump Street. The Golden Rule of Hollywood is, as we all know, "if something makes money, then sequels sequels and more sequels" (see: Furious #412, Fast and). The thing about "stupid movies that are really funny," is that their sequels tend to be extreme let downs. Dumb and Dumberer anybody? Eh? You just can't catch lightning in a bottle twice. So despite how much I would like to disagree with Roy's completely unfounded smugness, I think we are headed for a let down after the success of 21 Jump Street.
Roy: I sincerely hope you were trashing this movie, and not the forthcoming and brilliant herald of amzingness that will be Dumb and Dumber To. Because.... If you dare besmirch the wrong one here I may pack you in a crate and send you off to a Jesus-murder cult in Central America. ... ... ... well that got dark fast.
June 13
Roy: The first How To Train Your Dragon really took me by surprise. I was extremely skeptical when we rented it for the kids and I sat down to watch it with them and expected to sleep through half of it and in 90 minutes the experience would be over. What I was not expecting was to be blown away by a fun movie with a bunch of heart that was also quite funny. I don't expect too much to be different with the second one. It is a sequel so re-capturing the magic will be difficult because it can't be "the fun little movie that surprised us all" anymore. It now has expectations attached to it. I have no idea if it will live up to it, but from that trailer it feels like it might. I'm looking forward to this.
Cody: This trailer was fantastic. I did not see How to Train Your Dragon, but watching this trailer made me feel like I was missing out. The problem is, the quality of a trailer and the quality of the movie do not have to be correlated at all. Hollywood has a knack for creating animated kids trailers in a way that makes them look appealing to all ages. I think we all know this is not always the case. Being a single male in my early 20's, there are only so many of these types of films that I find the motivation to get around to. On the other hand, these are perfect for the Roy Johnsons' of the world who have four children to entertain. Now that I would have to watch the first one to see the second one, it feels like something that I will just never get around to. Poke me when the next Pixar comes out.
June 20
Cody: I really just don't understand how this happens. Think Like a Man was a movie about some sort of funny contrived competition between guys and girls centered around a relationship book. So Think Like a Man Too has to be about some sort of funny contrived competition between guys and girls centered around something else....right? No. The answer is no. There is no rule that says you have to make your sequel a carbon copy of the first one and sprinkle a little Vegas on top. Instead of making the exact same movie again, why not introduce a new wrinkle and let the characters interact in a new way? Maybe Kevin Hart's character gets fired from his job for being vastly overrated and his bros and their GFs have to help him deal with his issues. Along the way they come to realize their own faults and achieve meaningful self-growth. Eh? EH? I really just wanted to work Kevin Hart and overrated into the same sentence. Did it feel natural? Anyway, this looks ridiculous. Bachelor and bachelorette parties cannot be made into competitions. That doesn't even make sense. I am sure whatever Roy says on this will be more interesting than the entire movie.
Roy: Allow me to quote Cody "Kevin Hart and Patton Oswalt are the same person. Both entirely overrated." This has been the cornerstone of many conversations between myself and Cody. I will now disagree with my best friend... I like Patton Oswalt. The man is actually quite funny, especially his stand up. Kevin Hart, however. I mean, are we all done pretending he's funny yet? Oh wait, I'm supposed to like another tiny comedian who yells and screams all the time to compensate for his small stature? I'm supposed to care about a movie where the token white male is portrayed as an uptight, uncool guy who gets mixed up with our main characters and is basically around to be made fun of? I understand there is another side to this debate where the token black guy has played that part many times in movies filled with white people. But just because that statement is accurate doesn't make this version any more original than the other 8,000 times it has been done in other movies. Um... pass.
Cody: Kevin Hart's stand up is every bit as funny as Patton Oswalt's. That is to say, below average to decent. The only reason anyone would find these two people remotely different is if they are a full blown RACIST.
June 20
Roy: So here were Roy's immediate thoughts upon viewing this trailer. WHOA. Liam Neeson. Someone is about to get messed up. Roy has to say he was pretty disappointed to see that Liam didn't throw one punch and didn't break one face in this entire trailer. Apparently this is another "Paul Haggis creates characters that aren't related, but wait they are all related to one another somehow" type of movie. Roy didn't hate Crash, he just felt like it won best picture because it was in a really weak field. Roy wants you to look at this list, it was a down year for Oscar. So Roy is not running out to see this either. The main thing it has going for it is the stellar cast, that is the only reason Roy would give it a shot. He knows every actor in this movie will knock it out of the park. But the story? eh...
Editor's note: Editor apologizes for editor's brother "speaking" in a third person monologue, while reviewing a trailer. Editor is slightly embarrassed by the brother.
Cody: Sometimes you (and the rest of America) can be so woefully lost that it saddens me, the truest disciple of interconnected story arcs. Crash was absolutely fantastic. It CHALLENGED us, Roy. Don't you see that? Cody just doesn't understand why nobody else shares his wisdom. Crash is always belittled as a castoff Oscar winner. Is it really any worse than No Country for Old Men, which beat Juno? Or Hurt Locker, which just had to outdo the feel good cheese ball movie of the century, the Blind Side? In Cody's opinion, which is the only one he considers to matter, Crash is decidedly deserving of its best picture award. Now Cody is going back to talk about Third Person. He likes this cast even more than the cast for Crash. Plus, it doesn't look like any sympathetic youths will be shot at the end of this one. Cody will be there with a giant popcorn positively basking in the glow of what is certain to be a magnificent interwoven tapestry of fantastimazement. Yea Cody just combined fantastic and amazement. Deal with it.
Roy: Roy thinks Cody also combined something no one cares about with something he finds deeply interesting. And it should be noted that Roy didn't say that Crash was garbage. In fact, Roy thought Crash was a really good movie. Just not the best movie of the year. Do you have to work at running off on a tangent when Roy has his own opinion or is it something that comes natural to you?
Editor's note: Editor also apologizes for Cody, no relation to editor, for also speaking in third person. Editor is not quite as embarrassed for Cody as she was for Roy.
June 27
Cody: I once saw a movie called Just Like Heaven. It might be the worst movie I have ever loved. Ok, fine there is no way that is true; I love so many terrible movies. Regardless, I have always had a soft spot for Ruffalo since then. I find myself rooting for him in everything he is in. So when I see him visualizing instruments playing in accompaniment with Kiera Knightley, I imagine the best song ever recorded. Knightley is just an adorable human, and do we also have a Voice reunion going on in this movie? I honestly don't know what to realistically expect. I think the safest guess would be the classic, "good, not great." I do know that for me it doesn't matter how "good" it is, because I will inevitably gobble it down like Kool-Aid at a cult rally......wait, what?
Roy: I want to like this movie. I also really like Mark Ruffalo and think he is good in everything he does. Plus name one movie where Keira Knightly sucked. *waiting...* See? You can't. So it definitely has the star power to go places. Unfortunately, I think that people don't really care to see a movie like this. So it will inevitably not get the respect or financial support it deserves and will just sort of coast through the summer without anyone making a fuss over it. Which is a shame. But I'm part of the problem. Am I running out to support this movie? No. In fact of the 10 movies we are reviewing this month this one is the 6th or 7th on my list. But I want to see this. "Begin Again" would be a great On Demand Saturday night movie. I love music, I love these actors, but I think the story may turn out to be "just ok."
Editor's note: ya, this is the fourth editor's note....deal with it. I highly doubt, Roy, that you have seen every Kiera Knightley movie ever made....which makes you unable to judge whether or not she has sucked in anything. Sorry, but I don't get a real good visual of you sitting around, enjoying a healthy dose of Pride and Prejudice. I don't think she's that superb....I would say she's "just ok." Her characters have a large "sameness" quality about them, no matter who she's portraying.
June 27
Roy: Holy cow you wanna talk original story? Ok, lets talk original story. The world attempts to stop global warming and in the process creates a new ice age that kills every living thing on the planet except for the people who board this train that has a perpetual motion engine. A class system forms and revolution happens. My nerdiness is well documented at this point. You can't just wave a movie like this in front of me and expect me to not lose my mind. I can't wait to see this and do not understand why it's not a bigger deal. It's a limited release, is that because it's directed by Joon-ho Bong? Is it because it is from a french graphic novel? it has a good cast. The lady who is obviously in charge and wants to keep the class system going is Tilda Swinton, that's the witch queen from this movie. She's a fantastic actress and this whole thing just looks great. I need to see this movie.
Cody: A perpetual motion engine? That is all it takes to keep an entire civilization alive on board of a train? How do they keep up their food supply? I am guessing the "tail section" does not get a large portion of the rations on Le Transperceneige. Yea, that's right, I looked up the name of the French book, and it's awesome. I will tell everyone exactly how this is going to go for me and Roy, personally. While this movie looks just fine, I am not really feeling a strong vibe from it. Roy will end up watching it on demand after it has been released on DVD. He will absolutely lose his bananas over it. He will plead with me to watch it, to which I will respond, "eh." Finally one day I will be at his house, and he will force me to watch it. I will enjoy myself. He will be smug. It's what we do. So what was the point of this anecdote? It is to say that I believe this movie is what it is. If you tend to like this sort of thing, then you should watch this. If you tend not to, then don't waste your time. I think we are all getting exactly what we expect here.
Roy: Next up on Roy's "Movie-list-that-he-recommended-to-Cody-who-in-turn-passed-on-it-like-it-was-a-poopie-diaper-that-was-being-waved-in-front-of-his-face?" Oblivion. That movie was great, and when Cody inevitably comes over at some point this weekend, we are watching that underrated gem and he will enjoy it and I will happily tell him I told him so. This is a real thing. Other movies on this list include: First Blood, Red Dawn (the original), Garden State, and Dances with Wolves. Can you people believe what I'm dealing with over here!?
Cody: I have expressed real interest in Red Dawn The Original, thank you very much.
June 27
Cody: Boy, are they running out of plot lines for Transformer movies. The second one got way too deus es machina on us by magically raising both Sam and Optimus Prime back from the dead. The third one smartly went more "realistic," by finally answering the question of what would happen if humans actually exiled the Autobots (the never ending theme). Low and behold, in the fourth one it looks like we are again going to tell the Autobots we don't need their help anymore. At what point are the humans going to understand the fundamental equation: super advanced alien robots > humans. After Mark Wahlberg has made what I can only assume will be three movies? After Megatron has been killed and revived 17 times? After every single villain has made an appearance and knocked down 57 buildings each? All that being said, the first Transformers was fantastic, and I will probably Netflix this movie at some point. Nobody does beautiful massive destruction and explosions like giant robots and Michael Bay. It is what it is people.
Roy: Did we miss the Hollywood meeting were Michael Bay decided he was only doing Transformer movies from now until the end of time? For a guy that does explosions and action as well as anyone in the business why is he wasting his time on the same story being told over and over. How long can this go on? Is this some form of punishment that he is forced into doing that we know nothing about? Making Optimus and the gang fight robot dinosaurs in no way makes me want to see this. I am perfectly content to wait for the fantastically-casted Jurassic World, and all that it promises to bring. Mainly it's not going to bring alien robots the size of houses that turn into regular sized vehicles to blend in and hide, which they do a terrible job of because they are always found, and when they fight they tend to do it in the most populated areas of the globe. Sooo..........
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