Synopsis
Movie: Tombstone
Director: George P. Cosmatos (But really Kurt Russell and Kevin Jarre, but mostly just Russell)
Notable Characters: Wyatt Earp, Wyatt Earp...duh
Doc Holliday, Awesome
Morgan & Virgil Earp, Wyatt’s well meaning brothers
Curly Bill Brocius, Cowboy - bad
Johnny Ringo, Cowboy - extra bad
Josephine Marcus, Traveling actress - Wyatt swoons
DISCLAIMER: As always, there will be spoilers. But come on… this is Tombstone. It’s also history by the way. Wyatt Earp, OK Corral, Morgan Earp dies, Virgil Earp basically gets his arm shot off, Wyatt and Doc kill everyone. Like seriously. Crack a history book, people. - Roy
DISCLAIMER 2: This is a “special edition” COARD entry. Every once in a while, we will shake things up by reviewing a movie that we believe deserves to be on the list of 1,001, but didn’t make the cut. The first special edition comes to you by way of request from my good friend Michael, the biggest movie snob I know. - Cody
DISCLAIMER 3: Also it was The Masters weekend, and if we were going to spend time not watching golf we sure weren't going to spend it watching a three hour long, Indian movie from the 70s about two brothers and their struggle to overcome their daddy issues. Even if it is "maybe the most iconic Hindi film of all time." So we aren't directly saying The Masters had something to do with this “special edition” COARD.... but we're not not saying that either. - Roy
P.S. We have fixed the comments so anyone can contribute, and we take requests! If you have a film you want to see reviewed let us know. We will keep it in mind for our next special edition COARD.
Cody: This is the story of one Wyatt Earp. He brings his two brothers to Tombstone, Arizona in search of a quiet honest living, and well…...maybe a little side action from the lovely Josephine. Unfortunately this here bein’ the West, and with Wyatt’s legend preceding him, the mayor John Locke!! tries to solicit Wyatt in helping to defend the town from the cowboy scum. However, Wyatt has no interest in doing much more than making a quick buck as a card dealer. Meanwhile Doc (Val Kilmer) is doing Doc things (gambling/drinking/delivering incredible lines/spinning tea cups around impressively) and steals the entire movie from currently-lame Wyatt. Wyatt’s well meaning brothers decide to pony up, and they become lawmen in the town. The two brothers go all liberal on the town and enforce a strict, no-guns-in-city-limits rule. Well of course the cowboys don’t give one rat’s foot of a care for this rule. Tension builds, the Earps’ attempt to arrest some cowboys, they refuse, shoot-shoot-bullet-bullet-gun, and uh-oh. We’ve got ourselves a SHOOTOUT AT THE OK CORRAL! This is where it gets really cool. The remainder of the movie is a series of gun fights back-and-forth between the good guys and the bad guys. Every scene brings new casualties. Morgan Earp is assassinated and Virgil is shot. Now you dun it you ign’ant cowboys! Wyatt, engage rampage mode!
Review
Roy: Where to even begin? Let's start with the cinematography. Holy crap-snacks, is this movie beautiful! The scene where Wyatt, Virgil, and Morgan Earp, along with Doc Holliday, are walking down the streets of Tombstone all dressed in black, and there is a raging inferno burning a small building down behind them might be the COOLEST movie scene of all time. Yup.... I said it and I'm not sorry. The symbolism can be taken in multiple ways; the fire raging inside our heroes, how this action they are headed towards figuratively burns the town down, or they did it because it just looks so friggin’ cool. How about the numerous shots of "Wyatt Earp and the last charge of his immortals" silhouetted against a burning sunset? The landscape is practically a character in this movie. The directorial collective took their cues from John Ford's brilliant lead in how he shot this film (Ford was the first director to feature scenery in the western). HOW did this movie not make the list!? It's just.... I dont.... how do you even..... it's a traveshamockery is what it is.
Cody: I wholeheartedly agree with labeling this as a prototypical traveshamockery situation. Can’t label it any other way. Well, I guess this is as good a time as any for “Cody’s Movie Score Moment,” brought to you by Abercrombie Cologne. “Abercrombie Cologne, for alerting people you are a douche without having to say a word.” I must say, I am going to love it every time we review a 90’s film. I say this on a whim, but I think movie scores peaked in the 90’s. This western score just hits me in all the right ways.
Roy: Am I writing this review while listening to this soundtrack?? So what if I am!? Are YOU gonna stop me!? *Doc voice* “Well you’re a daisy if you do.” But seriously. There is literally a crap-ton that is wonderful about this movie. Can I just take a moment and say that my ultimate manly-moment-fantasy in life is to pull a “Wyatt Earp?” This is to be confronted by a complete Cocky McButtface who gets in my grill and shows me his pistol resting in his belt. This action is intended to threaten me. Instead I grab his pistol and clock him on the head with it so hard, he hits the ground like a sack of meat in front of me. Because that’s THE dream.
Cody: I am not sure what context you would find yourself in, where you have the opportunity to live out that dream, but I completely approve regardless. Shouldn’t there be a Disney World/Universal Studios for adults, where you get to be a part of some of these not kid friendly iconic film settings? Oh, they already have Disney World for adults and they call it Las Vegas. That makes more sense, but, alas, I digress. Fun fact: A man named Wyatt Earp from Perkins, Oklahoma was an actor in this movie! How gunslingingly fantastic is that?
Roy: Almost as fantastic as the fact that he is Wyatt Earp’s 5th cousin!! But let’s circle back to your adult Disney World idea here. You can have Vegas, dude… but what if I told you, you could gunfight at the OK Corrall, be a Tolkein elf, or a jedi knight, or just camouflage yourself in mud and wait for a vietnamese soldier to walk past you before you Rambo the crap out of him!? DUDE. The COARD Presents: Movie Dreams Come to Life (a working title) (™). You see that ™ people!? This is the internet. We have proof! That ™ means this idea cannot be stolen. We could open this place up in Vegas. What an idea! Big things are happening here, Cody. Big things. So uh… there is no graceful way for me to jump out of this rabbit hole. This movie was painstakingly made as close to the real events as possible. For example: during the gunfight at the OK Corral, Doc’s words to Mclaurey before he killed him are what the real-life Doc Holiday actually said, "You're a daisy if you do!" How can this movie get any cooler?? I will answer that for you. It can’t. None. None cooler.
Cody: Movie Dreams Come to Life Special Exhibit: Alien, experience the feeling of a baby alien ripping its way out of your stomach! *Thinking* Hmm...you’re right, we COULD take it too far. Regardless, this is just the best idea. Now we just need private funding. Who reading this is insanely wealthy? Eh? Anyone? Here is the most important question about Tombstone though, who is more awesome: Doc Holiday or Wyatt Earp? On the one hand you have a wonderful anti-hero with amazing lines, on the other you have a perfect protagonist. Shockingly, I am going to choose Doc Holiday, anti-hero extraordinaire.
Roy: It shouldn’t surprise you that I’m going with Wyatt here. The man who horsewhipped a guy in the face during the first five minutes of the movie because he was being cruel to said horse, then promptly moved on to pimp-slap a mean, yet pathetic, card dealer three times only to then ask him if he was “going to do something or just stand there and bleed.” Finally we have him walking into a hail of bullets unscathed to kill Curly Bill prompting the following conversation from his cohorts…
You ever see anything like that?
Hell… I never even heard of anything like that…
It’s Wyatt all the way. We could easily write five thousand words on this movie. But we won’t do that to you. If you haven’t seen this movie and don’t want to fail at life then stop what you are doing and go right now and watch Tombstone. You’ll be happy you did.
Cody: More to the point, this movie deserves five thousand words. Instead, I will simply echo Roy’s sentiment; run, don’t walk, to Tombstone.
Editor’s Note: I concur on everything. I love this movie. Also, I find much more passion and believability in Kurt Russell’s Wyatt Earp than I did in Kevin Costner’s. Neither of you mentioned Kurt’s superb portrayal. And it’s probably safe to say that this was Val Kilmer at his best….I literally forgot it was Val Kilmer on screen. It’s my job as editor to keep you two legit.
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