The COARD: Spider-Man: Far from Home

The first movie in a post-End Game universe is also the last movie featuring an Avenger until likely 2021. How does Spider-Man: Far from Home handle living in the immense shadow of the largest superhero movie of all time? And is this enough to hold us over for the foreseeable future?

Cody: If there's one superhero that I'd pick to usher us into this new phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it's Spider-Man. My favorite childhood superhero is also arguably the world's favorite superhero, depending on which metric you want to use. At the very least, he is the clear cut top dog on the non-DC side of the fence. This is at least partly because there's so much to relate to in the alter ego of Peter Parker. The other avengers' super selves and regular selves have all melded over time to where the distinction no longer matters. Cap or Steve? Stark or Iron Man? It's all the same difference. In Spider-Man, we get a superhero who battles his responsibility to do good with his understandable desire to just be human. Sometimes this results in infamous swag walks down the sidewalk, but for the most part, it's good theater. Spider-Man's effect on Peter Parker and those close to him has been explored in each of the three series since Sam Raimi's 2002 iteration. So if Spider-Man: Far from Home feels familiar, that's because it is. But is familiar good or just redundant? The backdrop of everything that happened in End Game adds an extra emotional weight to the proceedings. A villain with a modern day evil plot helps as well. In all, this may not have enough punch or grandiose to fulfill us over a long wait for another avenger-centric film, however, it functions well as one long collective exhale after the lengthy build up to and subsequent payoff of End Game.

Spidey representing how we feel about Far From Home

Roy: How do you follow up End Game? Who would want to follow that? I believe Kevin Fiege knew what he was doing when he chose the Spider-Man sequel for this job. Tom Holland is easily the best Spider-Man we've ever had, and Jake Gylenhall was given an interesting character and did all of the Jake Gylenhall things we have come to expect from him. Was this the cherry on top of the MCU sundae? It's not as easy to answer that question as you might think. I'm not trying to punish Marvel for being good, great even. But this is their what, 26th movie in the MCU? They keep doing the same thing every summer, namely giving us a movie in the B+ - A- range with the occasional A+ sprinkled in. This was a B+. Fun time. Good movie. But at what point does your kid hand you one more B+ and your response is, "Oh hey, good job." That's where I'm at with this. It was well done. I like the characters. It's a good movie. But it didn't bring anything special to the table. But is that really a problem? Has Marvel just completely blown our expectations out of proportion by being too good at their job?

Cody: It's part they've broken our expectations and part stakes. Anything after the universe-is-at-stake level of End Game was going to feel a little flat. It's a testament to the chops over at Marvel Studios that Far from Home is as good as it is. They leaned into being able to still successfully portray these actors as high school kids and turned this thing into a full blown teen movie, with Tom Holland starring as the awkward geek who can't quite work up the courage to make a move on his crush. It was smart to capitalize on that while they still can. In trademark Marvel style, they injected moments of levity and humor expertly throughout. So yea, I guess solid B+ is probably where we land here. Maybe it's good that we're getting a little breather before the next Marvel blockbuster. Let's reset those expectations and get back to B+ feeling like it's better than just a good job.

Spoilers will now be discussed. It's a Spider-Man movie, so you know, there's some swinging, and web-slinging, and a few other things as well....

Roy: I really liked what Gylenhall did with his character. You like him at first and have no reason not to buy into the multi-verse hook they have been feeding us in the trailers for months. You know he ends up the baddie, you just aren't sure how it's going to happen. When he flips the switch and reveals he's always been bad, but was pretending to be from another universe just so he can use his new tech to fool the world into allowing him to become the next Iron Man... well that was just good writing, and better acting. Mysterio was basically just an amusing jerk who bullied all of his friends. He found others who felt like they got the shaft, just as he had, and built on that foundation. He made us think the world was facing a major end-scenario threat. Which made us feel at home in the Marvel universe. When he pulled the carpet out from underneath us it was a nice change of pace. 

Felt cute, might save Prague later, I don't know
#Avengers #WhoMe #JustDoingMyJob #StayHumble

Cody: This movie is going to be a really interesting one to re-watch going in knowing that everything is an illusion. I 100% knew Mysterio was going to break bad, but I also 0% expected him to be a disgruntled Stark Industries employee using drones to create the illusion of him as a superhero. Just writing that down seems far fetched, but it turned out to be a brilliantly fresh take on a villain. They definitely missed an opportunity to have Mysterio create his own Instagram page to increase his clout. It would have been the absolute cherry on top of this ultra modern evil plan. I wonder if Marvel will ever go back to the multi-verse theory, especially now that they've introduced converging timelines after all the meddling in End Game (also the literal multi-verse in Into the Spider-Verse). Superheroes have always been a little nerdy, but man, we could be headed for next level geek. Comic-Con was when again?

Roy: Like, two.... three? weeks ago....  I love being told what I am gong to nerd out over for the next few years. Except that Phase 4 looks just ok with zero mention of our boy Peter Parker. It appears that Marvel is giving us a pallet cleanser before Phase 5 which will likely see the return of Spidey as well as other heroes that Disney now has their hands on...

The COARD: Yesterday

Yesterday was one of the summer films that our guys were looking forward to the most. Brand new movies with unique ideas can be a rarity in Hollywood these days. So when one pops up, your guys at The COARD make sure not to miss it. The question is.... Did it disappoint? 

Roy: *Breathes deep. Takes another drink of his iced tea. One more breath. Here we go.*

I'm going to try and be cool about this... No I'm not. That was amazing. Simply amazing. I'm going to be transparent here. I'm a bit of a musician, add to that the fact that I'm a music nerd. I discovered The Beatles in my early 20s and fell in love with them hard and fast. What can you say about The Beatles that hasn't already been said? They are arguably the greatest band to ever exist. These four gentlemen wrote music that will live on forever. If there is one thing this movie does, is make you realize just what they accomplished. As a massive Beatles fan, I found myself struck dumb as I walked out of the theater with my wife. I didn't know what to say. I was overwhelmed at the catalog of music these men have given us. Yes. I am aware that I've written a paragraph on The Beatles and not Yesterday. But that's the thing. You can't separate one from the other. Because the whole point of the movie is, "What if The Beatles never existed?" Danny Boyle tackles that question and gives us an excellent movie along with it. Cody, you need to cut me off or I'm just going to keep on going...

Cody: Well if you expect me to bring any rain to this parade, you're sorely mistaken. This was just an absolute joy ride of a movie. I can't remember the last time I smiled so much. Yesterday definitely features strong comedic element, including Ed Sheeran's solid supporting role. It's more than just the humor, though. This movie just makes you feel good. You're probably on the right track, Roy, that no small part of that good feeling is coming from The Beatles. The acting surrounding the two leads, Himesh Patel and Lily James, deserves a lot of credit, as does the directing of Danny Boyle. It genuinely feels like the world is experiencing The Beatles music for the first time, and the childlike giddiness is completely infectious. Ultimately, though, this is a romantic comedy centered around Patel and James. Patel shows strong emotional range in his debut, while James continues to be completely charming in everything she does. So while this movie lives split between the fantasy world of its premise and the more traditional rom-com elements, both sides are good enough to keep you smiling.

The look of a meddling genius about to ruin Hey Jude forever

Roy: I'm glad you brought up Sheeran. His role in this film is pivotal while showing off his ridiculous talent as well. Forgive me if I'm heading into spoiler territory here but I have to say something. There was a scene where Ed challenged Jack (Patel) to a friendly song writing contest, it was one of my favorites in the whole film. Sheeran writes a beautiful little song and we are punched in the face with his talent. Cut to Jack who pretends he wrote The Long and Winding Road in 10 minutes and Sheeran plays the scene perfectly. A star, fully aware of his talent and used to the fact that he resides on top of the mountain, gets destroyed in front of our eyes. He does an excellent job at playing a character who is both happy and sad that he discovered Jack. Sheeran discovered gold, a priceless gem, but because of that his light has been dimmed. It was a powerful moment which highlighted Jack's main struggle. The world needs this music. But he's wildly uncomfortable taking the credit when all he is doing is singing other people's music. The art is on display, but he changed the authorship. Would it be right to deprive the world of this beauty? It definitely is not okay to do what he is doing, however. It was an issue I wrestled with the entire film.

Cody: If there is one theme for the entire movie, it's "the world needs this music." Probably the greatest accomplishment here is that they took a subject on which a billion words has been written, The Beatles, and came up with a way to make it feel fresh and unique. You could argue that the premise should have been explored with a little more depth, but that doesn't feel like the point of the movie. This is a romantic comedy serving as a Beatles appreciation film. And if there's one thing you'll feel after leaving this, it's an appreciation for The Beatles. There are so many fun little moments along the way, though.

Spoilers ahead!! Turn back now if you have plans to see this and don't want to know any more details.

Cody: The big surprise plot addition that worked every single time it was brought up is that it isn't only The Beatles that disappeared from existence. The initial shocked anguish from Patel as he learns that Oasis is gone as well slowly turns to something like resigned bemusement as he learns more and more things have disappeared, right up until the very end of the movie when a Harry Potter reference goes right through Lily James with zero recognition. Yesterday does such a stellar job involving the audience at every turn with the music we've talked so much about, but also the moments where Patel is so alone in his frustration with the other characters' lack of understanding. When he is interrupted a dozen different ways while trying to unleash Let it Be into the world for the first time, you want to yell at the screen for people to shut up, a feeling usually reserved for particularly dopey horror film characters. You live the movie through Patel, and it's so natural empathize throughout.

Roy: I loved the scene where they were recording the Beatles early work on Jack's first album and they had so much fun doing it. Before the fame inevitably hit Jack like a freight train. I also loved how they brought an underrated classic to the forefront like Back to the USSR when Jack played his first real gig in Moscow. It was cool moment. However, every time James was on the screen the whole place lit up. She played the girl reluctantly residing in the friend zone perfectly and we, along with everyone else couldn't understand what Jack was waiting for when it came to Ellie.

Adorable
 -adjective: See -James, Lilly

Cody: It might be a slight flaw in the movie that it made so little sense that he wouldn't be with her to begin with. She didn't undergo some major transformation of character, either physical or personality. Though, I guess the point was that it took the fame for him to see the importance of what he had all along. Another small moment I loved: Jack is confronted by two people who also remember The Beatles. This is the moment you've been waiting for. The inevitable scratch on the record player as Jack is found out and things come unraveled. Instead, true to the charming uniqueness of itself, Yesterday swerves as the two thank Jack profusely for bringing the music back into the world. I loved this because of the unexpectedness, but also because it just heaped further guilt onto Jack. It was at this point you could tell he would be glad to be relieved of the choice of whether to keep up the facade or not. Instead, that choice continued to rest firmly on Jack's shoulders until he finally admitted it to the world on his own volition (with a little help from a still alive, at peace, and wise John Lennon). Once Jack revealed his secret to the world, the movie hastily wrapped up. It sort of felt like a novel that ended in 20 pages when 50 would have been better. I wish they could have given us a little more on the fallout of his decision, what is happening with The Beatles music now, etc. But like I said, the movie really is a rom-com at heart, and what we got was a happily ever after for Jack and Ellie. I'll take it.

Roy: When Jack was playing Life Goes On for a school assembly I just assumed that he would continue to grow the Beatles catalog and release free music to the world as it came to him. But that could have been what I wished to happen as opposed to what the story meant to convey. I also loved having a moment with John Lennon, even if it was completely fictional. This movie has sky-rocketed to the top of my favorite rom-coms. And I think Gosling and Stone will be alright sharing the top with Patel and James.

The COARD: Toy Story 4 & The Dead Don't Die

24 years. 4 movies. It all comes down to this. Is it good? Bad? Both? Do toys drive actual cars in this one? Roy and Cody had all of the same burning questions. This weekend they braved the crowds of tiny children and exhausted parents to find out. In addition we have our 2nd double feature review in as many weeks! Stick around to see what the guys thought of The Dead Don't Die.They knew you weren't going to see it. They did it for you.

Roy: Pixar struck gold way back in 1995 with their first film, Toy Story. I was 15 and I saw it with my family on Thanksgiving. It was the first of its kind. Computer animation for a feature film. My whole world changed. In the interest of full disclosure, I was dragged to that film. I didn't want to go. I was above such ridiculous-baby-type-movies. Of course I left the theater surprised and happy. A week or two later I took my girlfriend to see it. It was Tom Hanks and Tim Allen. It was funny. It had heart... No matter how many films Pixar gave us throughout the years, no matter how nervous we got every time they announced yet another Toy Story sequel, this series has always delivered. It's why I wasn't surprised that Toy Story 4 was excellent. How does this keep working? Simple. Good humor, heartfelt moments, and character development. Every new installment leads our favorite characters through a new lesson of poignant self-discovery. It's why each addition to the series feels fresh.

Cody: Rocky. There. It was hard work, but I did it. I've listed every franchise that's managed to have a fourth installment that rivals what Pixar just did with Toy Story 4. I wouldn't say I walked into this completely nervous, but I was nonetheless surprised by just how excellent it was. First of all, it was hilarious. There are laughs from start to finish in this thing, and the jokes feel fresh! In the fourth movie! Second, it didn't take me longer than three minutes to tear up for the first time, and I say first time because it was not the last time either. You see, I was a wee child when Toy Story got its start, residing in the exact demo for the ridiculous-baby-type-movie. I've grown up with these characters. I don't really know at what point I formed such a deep emotional connection with inanimate objects, but here we are. I cried hard at the end of Toy Story 3 and evidently nine years has done nothing to dampen that connection. These writers have shown that it is possible to not only maintain but evolve characters over a long period of time in a way that serves new narratives while also respecting what has come before. You don't need to just suddenly flip a switch and have a character burn down a city to alter their arc. Not that any self respecting writer would do that.

Roy: Part of what kept this so fresh was the bravery they showed in allowing Buzz Lightyear to be a secondary character and giving us so much time with the new guys. Tony Hale always delivers when he's given an odd character to inhabit. Forky allowed us to experience life as a toy through fresh eyes. Christina Hendricks did not disappoint as Gabby Gabby, Jordan Peele and Keegan-Michael Key stole every scene they were in as Bunny-Ducky, and let us not forget John Wick  -er... Keanu Reeves as Canada's greatest stuntman, Duke Caboom. Interacting through this new cast of characters triggered old habits for Woody and gave him and us one final lesson about learning to accept change. While I didn't cry (barely), I had children who did. It was an emotional story... about toys. Go figure. Pixar did it again.

Cody: We know that Key and Peele improvised several minutes of singing for one of their scenes, but their rapport and style made me wonder if they somehow wrote all their characters' lines. It's a testament to the writers that the characters so clearly matched the actors. On that same vein, it's important to give them credit for their handling of strong female characters. The tide of feminism has hit movies in a big way in the last few years. Like all movies, there have been good results (Booksmart) and some bad results (I'm looking at you, The Hustle). In Toy Story 4, male and female toys share the screen and responsibilities. It isn't forced, nor it is unbalanced in either direction. It is just natural. There are characters to relate to and believe in for any type of kid, I guess probably even including Forky, the scared scrawny kid who deep down thinks he's just trash.

Below you can find specific details from this movie. If you don't want to see those then you should stop reading now.... but really you should skip down to the next review.

Roy: I spent a good portion of this movie being irritated with Woody, four movies in and he is still dealing with the same issues he had in the first movie. He is willing to risk everyone, everything to do what he thinks is right, regardless of what his friends are trying to tell him. He has remarkable tunnel vision. Then I put some more thought into it all. People rarely change, and especially if it's a core issue they have never let go of. Woody defined himself as a toy that brings joy to a child. That was his entire identity, and if he couldn't do it by playing with the little girl, he was going to safeguard her favorite toy. It was well done, and he eventually realized that he had to move on, stop being a toy that belonged to someone and become a lost toy. It was a tight story. And was pulled off flawlessly.

You are a toy...You are a child's plaything!

Cody: The story of learning to let go is nothing new, but making it work so well with animated toys is a highly impressive feat. As Pixar always does, they found a way to marry story for both adults and children. While Woody was being forced to adapt and evolve his view of his role in the world, Forky was learning that he had a place in it at all. I loved the quick mid-credits scene showing that everything has come full circle with Forky having the confidence to educate a new arts and crafts toy on its purpose in Bonnie's room. Forky also consistently provided the best laughs in the movie. The montage of the spork based toy trying to throw itself in the trash over and over again was nonstop gold. Tony Hale, or Buster Bluth as some of us better know him, was brilliant throughout but never better than exclaiming as almost a question, "Trash!?" My girlfriend and I have been regularly yelling, "trash" at random moments since basically minutes after walking out of the theater. Forky wasn't just a trash spork turned toy. He was the best part of the movie.

Roy: Woah. If you are sitting here and telling me that Forky was easily the best thing about Toy Story 4 and not arguably the best thing... I need to remind you about Canada's greatest stuntman/daredevil Duke Caboom. I laughed at everything he did. Keannu Reeves was perfect. Really, the casting director should take a bow. I have to admit I thought maybe the greatest bit of the film was Bunny-Ducky getting lost in their plans that turned into the same murderous one over and over.

Cody: While I stand by my Forky assertion, you're right that it's worth the debate. You left out the running bit about Buzz believing his preset action phrases were in fact his conscience speaking to him. Bo Peep expertly using her three headed sheep for any and all utility needs. They did an excellent job giving each character its own set of moments to shine. Given how much time we've spent on the subject, I feel like I'm obligated to point out here that technically the toys did in fact drive a human car. However, they did so in secret, and the humans thought the car was on the fritz or quite possibly haunted. There were no octopuses in the drivers seat on an interstate, no rabbits on the steering wheel. They did what they had to do, but they also stuck to their code. Official ruling on toys driving in secret: allowed.

Roy: I've been thinking about this a lot. The Dad was in the driver's seat the entire time. Were the toys affecting the outcome of the performance of the vehicle? Yes. Were they in the driver's seat? No. In fact a great joke was Buttercup constantly trying to get Dad thrown in jail as a stall tactic. Then it almost happened because there was no evidence that Dad wasn't driving the car. This is acceptable. This is what Toys have always done in this universe. I accept your official ruling.

Bonus Review: The Dead Don't Die

What follows is a spoiler review. This might ybother you. It shouldn't. Mainly because you probably already missed your chance to see it. And admit it, you didn't really want to see it, you actually just wanted to want to see it. Plus it's hard to spoil a movie that is devoid of any kind of plot.

Roy: I liked this movie. I didn't love it. It was funny... well, not ha-ha funny. But amusing funny. Ok. Sometimes it was ha-ha funny, for example finding out that Hermit Bob did indeed steal the chicken produced a laugh from me. This film was made well, but wasn't made for you -or me. It was made for Jim Jarmusch. He wrote and directed this zombie comedy unapologetically. You don't have to like it, because Jarmusch is happy with it, and everyone else can die a horrible zombie death for all he cares. The interesting thing about this fact is, that doesn't reflect negatively on the movie.. He made bold and unique choices, which was fun to watch in its own right.

Cody: I'm never opposed to taking a dip in the independent film pool, but you never really know how smooth those waters will be. Jim Jarmusch is as close to a consistent experience as there is. I'm no Jarmusch acolyte by any stretch, but I've always been a fan of the deadpan comedic delivery that marks his films. One of my favorite moments came when Adam Driver finally admits to Bill Murray that he's been saying things won't end well the whole movie because Jim let him read the script, all delivered with a perfect nonchalance. The Dead Don't Die isn't all meta references and spaceships, though (yes, a presumably purposefully generic spaceship comes to pick up Tilda Swinton, who understandably wants off the planet). Jarmusch incorporates not-so-subtle sociopolitical messaging throughout, but it doesn't come off as pretentious or overly preachy. A lot is left to the interpretation of the individual viewer. For instance, while the zombies certainly exhibit the requisite taste for human flesh, their brains carry just enough juice to draw them toward the material things they sought in life (such as coffee or chardonnnaaayy as one zombie groans before Driver takes several chops with a machete to behead her). One could see this as a direct judgment of American consumerism. The message that will stick with me, however, is the importance of prioritizing balance and meaning during one's limited time. Perhaps a well adjusted person wouldn't be an undead wandering the streets muttering WiFi. I'm with you, Roy, in that I wouldn't say I loved this, but it was a refreshingly unique trip to the theater.

Roy: I once saw the original Night of the Living Dead, I remember being struck at how little plot was involved. People turn into zombies, people hide from zombies, people die. That was basically it. The Dead Don't Die followed the same pattern. Once Murray and Driver realized what was going on, they had no idea what to do, so they decided to patrol the streets, because that was their job. It felt like Jarmusch was trying to grab that same feeling from the old zombie movies. If that was his goal, he was successful. This film is about a zombie outbreak and people failing to survive it, with meta moments plugged in to bring us along with the story. Whether it was the theme song constantly playing throughout the movie and being referenced as the theme song by Driver, or the fact that his character had a Star Destroyer key-chain. A wink to the audience was never too far away. So Cody, quick question. Was Tilda Swinton a human who wanted off planet? Or was she an alien just visiting and needed to leave when things went south?

Things got a bit carried away in World War Z

Cody: I also got serious Night of the Living Dead vibes from this, which was completely welcome. Not every zombie movie needs to be World War Z with it's superhuman zombies. To answer your Tilda Swinton question (worth noting her character name of Zelda Winston, another wink-wink to the audience), I'm going with a visiting alien who gave one big "nope" to the whole zombie situation and decided to head home. I made a whole big point about how this movie left things to interpretation, so I'm picking the more fun version and sticking to it! Speaking of fun, that's clearly what every actor on this project was having while making it. It's no coincidence that Jarmusch enlisted a who's who of stars from his former films. People really like working with the guy, and these actors clearly all liked working together too. Their familiarity and camaraderie are what make this particular brand of deadpan humor work as well as it did. I'd like to be in the next Jarmusch project if that's not too much to ask.

Roy: Do I see myself sitting through this movie again? Most likely not. But I'm glad I saw it. The Dead Don't Die reminded me why I love movies. Sometimes you get something completely unexpected, which turns out to be the majority of why it was fun. Plus, how many more opportunities do we have to see Bill Murray? He is extremely selective in the projects he says yes to and is always a delight. I won't pass up any opportunity to see him in anything. Not everyone will enjoy this film, but if you belong to that particular group of cinephiles who crave something different, gear up with something sharp and keep your head on a swivel. Once the zombies swarm you it's game over.

The COARD: Dark Phoenix and Secret Life of Pets 2

The current iteration of the X-Men universe comes to a close with Dark Phoenix. Does the final installment leave the series on a strong note, or do the X-Men limp off into the sunset? 

Cody: The answer is...Charles Xavier being dragged down a hallway level of limping. I'll start with the good. The action sequences were visually strong. The intentional choice to tone down the grandeur and destruction after the world altering absurdity of Apocalypse was the right one. Seeing some of the most iconic of mutants doing their thing is just plain fun. I got a strong helping of Nightcrawler moments, so my personal fandom feels well served. It basically all goes downhill from here. One thing almost every X-Men movie has in common is a strong ensemble cast, yet the performances here were mostly flat. Nick Hoult perked up at times. McAvoy and Fassbender continue to display an effortless chemistry, however, they shared limited screen time and lacked punch elsewhere. Dark Phoenix heavily referenced the familial bond of the X-Men, but the necessary emotional connection was lacking. As a result, the stakes of the plot didn't seem all that high. We just saw another superhero chapter closed expertly well in Avengers End Game. That bar is unrealistically high, but it's a shame they couldn't close out this generation of X-Men with some similar level of grace.

The face we were all making watching this movie

Roy: There are definitely actors in this franchise that are good anytime they are handed a script. That list includes names like, McAvoy, Fassbender, Hoult, and Chastain. Jennifer Lawrence continues her streak of either being really good or really annoying with zero ground in between. Since her name was not included in the above list, I will allow you to intuit where she lands in this film. However, it could have been the writing at fault here and not Lawrence. Every line she was given in the movie was combative. Not to mention the fact that more often than not, her figurative venom was aimed at Professor Xavier. A character, whom I felt was largely misunderstood throughout the story. Most of the conflict rose around a choice he made, and even with all of the hindsight this story gives us I do not believe he made a bad choice. Rather he allowed the consequences of his choice to linger too long. It's hard to say more than that without jumping into the spoiler section, so I am just going to stop right here.

Cody: I unfortunately cannot bring the perspective of a professional filmmaker into this discussion, but I imagine they spend hours upon hours poring over the scenes of a movie before calling it final. It's what makes movies like this so frustrating and confusing. Dark Phoenix underwent re-shoots and still wound up a disjointed mess. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the production room because I have a hard time believing nobody voiced a question about whether or not the plot lines were sufficiently established. Maybe David Benioff and D.B. Weiss were on hand and assured them it all made perfect sense. We'll never know.

Roy: Can we discuss how little we got of the always fantastic Evan Peters? For no other reason than the franchise painted themselves in a corner with getting the perfect Quicksilver, but making his gimmick extremely time consuming and expensive, and the best way to side step that in this film is to just, sideline him for three-fourths of it? The studio wants to make sure we all understand that this film did not do well because of franchise fatigue. Wrong. It did not do well because they hurt their time-lines early on and then pretended to fix it so they could move on instead of just telling us all they were starting over fresh. This franchise should go down as one of the most mishandled group of films in recent history. Full stop. And that's saying something. Yes, DC. We are looking at you.

Semi-superfluous spoiler warning. We've been attempting to hold back here on specifics. We'll now really go for the jugular so turn back if you for some reason still want to see this and don't want to know which plot points were the worst just yet.

Cody: Oh I planned on mentioning Quicksilver. They did my man dirty. Okay, sure, Jean's Phoenix powers are advanced that she can react to Quicksilver during his super speed mode. It's a good way to establish her strength, but did he really need to sustain such serious injuries that he appears on screen for about seven seconds the rest of the entire movie? The Quicksilver slow motion sequences have consistently been the most fun sequences in this film series. What a microcosm for the entire movie that just when you think you're getting a thrilling scene, they pull the rug (or in this case, house debris) right out from under you. It's in this same scene that Jennifer Lawrence's Raven (whose Mystique powers seem to be completely irrelevant at this point) meets an early demise. Remember for later that Jean is 100% responsible for Raven, who has been established at this point as the captain of the X-Men, dying. First, the implications of that death. In the absolutely delightful Days of Future Past, it is well established that this X-Men universe (established in First Class) is connected to the original series that started in 2000, where Mystique is very much alive and central to the plot. Now she's dead in 1992 with zero explanation as to how this affects the future timeline. Was the justification that it's the last movie in this generation, so who cares? Or did they not even think back to the movie they made just three years before Dark Phoenix started filming?

It's not all bad news for Sophie

Roy: I personally believe that they looked around and said, "You know what? Disney is moving in. So, who cares?" It's the only explanation for such a blatant disregard of any kind of continuity in this series. While I was irritated that Raven's death completely unraveled everything Days of Future Past fixed, I had a difficult time feeling anything other than joy. Because she died, I wouldn't have to hear her whine and sew discord against Xavier anymore. Charles mentally walled off an 8 year old Jean Grey from the truth that it was her fault her mother died and that he father was so scared of her that he sent her away to X-school. And it was the right thing to do. She couldn't handle that burden as an extremely powerful child. If he can be blamed for anything it might be that he should have told her once she reached young adulthood and had a handle on her power. Once Raven discovers this, she treats Charles like he had been locking children away and torturing them for funsies. It made no sense. Then she begins to poison Hank against Charles. I'm really happy that Sophie Turner married Joe Jonas and appears to be super happy with her life. Because her last two jobs have been completely torpedoed by bad writing.

Cody: The assertion by Raven that Charles Xavier was helping humans for his own personal recognition rather than protecting the mutants he's dedicated his life to was totally baseless for that character. The commitment to the anti-Charles story line continues until the end of the movie when he *checks notes* retires into a self-imposed exile while the school he created is renamed to erase his existence. That's more than a bit extreme. This brings me back to Jean/Raven. For sake of exercise, let's accept that they've decided to rename the school. Would you pick A. the fearless captain of the squad who was murdered with her reputation intact or B. the person who murdered a team member and nearly destroyed all the good will toward mutants that Charles Xavier worked so hard to foster. Sure, Jean stopped the...uh...I guess they're called the D'Bari? Wow, I had to dig to figure out who the alien villains were in this. Outside the quick flashback to their world being destroyed, we really got nothing on these characters. Anyway... I tried for two days to explain this plot to you where it would  make sense. I failed. This movie beat me. It's so bad it made me dumber. Suffice to say Jean could have fixed everything using a modicum of common sense and instead she was caught in the middle of a mutants vs. alien war that could have been avoided with like, one conversation. Jean Gray is the second worst choice for namesake of the mutant school. The worst would have been Scott Summers. Because Scott Summers is the worst in any context, always.

Roy: Every version of him is just awful. At this point our only hope is for Disney to completely start from the beginning and give us the X-Men that we have always wanted. Here is a good question. Is the only thing that Fox ever got right with X-men, Wolverine? Was it Hugh Jackman who kept us coming back for more? He was a large part of the last really good X-Men movie. I'm inclined to think so. The only thing I know for sure is that I am glad this iteration is over. I can kick dirt on it and stop being disappointed when a new movie is released.

Bonus Review: The Secret Life of Pets 2

We disliked the first one so much that we decided to come back for more torture purely for the benefit of you, the readers. The above photo matches our initial expectations for this movie perfectly.

Everything that follows will contain spoilers.

Cody: Illumination is nothing if not consistent. The Secret Life of Pets 2 follows the exact same path set its predecessor forged so brazenly. A promising first-third filled with charm and–maybe not laugh out loud but still funny–humor gives way to absurdity and bottom of the barrel gags. In the infamous word of Michael Bluth, I don't know what I expected. A series I once renamed The Implausible Life of Pets lived up to it's faux title. It's good to see that not only was Roy's moratorium on pets driving not honored, but we now have pets driving multiple types of vehicles! I counted no less than 10 egregiously implausible moments. Some highlights in no particular order: Several pets understand how to use and communicate with walkie talkies, Daisy the shih tzu uses keys to unlock a cage without opposable thumbs, Snowball beats a human in a video game. That last one wasn't even necessary for the plot! I've put my...thumb...on what ultimately bothers me so much about these movies. There's a key difference between these and a couple other animated movies which may or may not make an appearance on The COARD this summer. In a Toy Story movie, the toys are all tasked with maintaining the secrecy of their aliveness. The Lion King features talking and singing animals but exactly zero human beings. There are humans all over The Secret Life of Pets and the pets have zero concern for how said humans might react to their behavior. Shouldn't the evil circus guy be

concerned that a freaking dog jail broke his tiger? Wouldn't somebody notice a guinea pig driving down the street in a toy car while operating a walkie talkie? How incompetent are the humans in this universe?! Given this, it should be no surprise my favorite scenes were between the three dogs on the farm where Harrison Ford taught Patton Oswalt to embrace the uncertainty in the world, which just makes total sense if you think about it.

Dogs pretending to be cats.... and one cat,
pretending to be a dog who is pretending to be a cat.

Roy: This movie is good when it makes light of the things that pets do every day. I've never owned a cat, but I assume every cat owner laughed when the fat cat sat on their sleeping owner and pawed their face until the owner got up and fed the cat. The dog's excitement over playing fetch or going for a walk, these things are amusing. But everything takes a turn to the absurd so fast. We have parents in New York city allowing their toddler who can barely walk to be mostly parented by his two dogs while going on an outing in the city. When the child almost gets hit by a car but is saved by the dogs and the parents are completely unaware of what just occurred... you've lost me. I will say, Harrison Ford playing himself as a dog worked. This guy is an all-time great curmudgeon who plays an old curmudgeon farm dog that has little patience for the city dwelling morons he now has to keep an eye on. But that was it. Literally everything else was awful. Didn't we have a scene in the first movie where Daisy had to be trained to be a cat? If so, why did this happen again? Speaking of cats... Apparently 87 of them working together can drive a car all around New York. Guys.... I can't with the animals driving thing. I don't understand why this needs to happen. Can't professional writers, you know.... write a story where pets don't need to drive? Why can't they all hop on a roof of a bus and ride where they need to go? That at least would be somewhat believable. I went in knowing this would be a hate-watch. I just didn't realize how much I would hate it. Don't see this movie unless you have to because you have small children. Even then, you won't enjoy it.

The COARD: Booksmart

Week 2 brings us to the coming of age comedy Booksmart. Will Oliva Wilde's first attempt in the director's chair be a raging success, or would we all rather she just stay in front of the camera? The only way to know for sure is to read on ahead. Welcome to The COARD. We like movies. 

Roy: What is Booksmart about? That is an easy question but a difficult answer. It is not because the movie is everywhere and tries to do too many things instead of focusing on its strong points. On the contrary, Booksmart has layers to it, and all of them are strongly represented on the screen. Wilde deserves to take a bow for this. It's not just good for a first time actor turned director. It's good by any definition of the word. At its heart, it is a story of two high school graduates realizing that the path less traveled is rewarding, but also boring. Molly and Amy spent their entire high school career focused on getting into exclusive colleges, and as a result never experienced the fun that the weekend party scene has to offer. Cramming four years of partying into one epic night goes about how you would expect it to, and our main characters learn some valuable lessons along the way. If that formula sounds familiar to you it's because a genius named John Hughes perfected it. However you shouldn't allow that to stop you from seeing Booksmart, which does not come across as a hollow attempt to achieve the same Hughesian success. It pays homage to a legend in film making by taking his formula and adding everything you'd expect a 21st century director to add. The result is something every age group will enjoy.

Cody: This really was an expertly done modern take on the classic teen coming of age genre. Any concern I had about having, "seen this movie a thousand times" was quickly erased by the sharp screenplay, and the excellent chemistry of the two leads, which shined through almost immediately. The heartfelt moments sprinkled throughout all landed well because Kaitlyn Dever (Amy) and Beanie Feldstein (Molly) were excellent together. And then there was the comedic side of things. I have not laughed that often or that hard at a movie in quite some time. At certain times you could see a joke coming, and yet it still somehow left me in stitches. The plot and general arc of the film may feel familiar, but man do the cinematography and soundtrack make the ride worth it. I am traditionally far more impressed by moving original scores than I am the creation of a playlist of existing music. Booksmart was a rare exception to that rule. Nearly every song seemed the one true perfect choice for the moment for which it was the backdrop. Extra bonus points for finding a way to incorporate LCD Soundsystem. I'll be hitting play on this soundtrack on Spotify on many a weekend night this summer.

Don't steal her weed, or cross her in any way. 

Roy: Besides Wilde's skill as a director, I was most impressed with the individual performances of this film. Everyone brought their A game. I'm sure that Jason Sudeikis got his role as the principal/Lyft driver because he's married to the director, but can you recall a time when Sudeikis has ever disappointed you? Because I cannot. Kaitlyn Dever brings so much to this movie, and I would like to note that I knew this kid was destined for great things when she played the role of Loretta McCready in Justified. At the age of 15, Dever was stealing scenes from Timothy Olyphant and Margo Martindale and making it look easy. And if we are talking about scene theft in Booksmart then look no further than Billie Lourd. She plays the mystical Gigi perfectly. Lourd would appear on screen, hit her joke, and then disappear in a bit that never got old. Lastly, please do not overlook Skyler Gisondo. The best thing about Santa Clarita Diet getting canceled is that hopefully we get to see more of him on the big screen. His character Jared tried so incredibly hard to impress everyone at this school and failed miserably. What his surfeit of money could not do was finally achieved when he took the time to be honest and have a real conversation.

Cody: When you can make a strong impression while sharing the screen with esteemed character actress Margot Martindale, you know you've got a future in the acting business. I did find it really funny that Sudeikis made his way into this. Was he doing a favor for Wilde or was she doing a favor for him? Hard to say. I'm sure the answer is that they just enjoy being around each other, but I like to envision Sudeikis begging his wife to let him play a role in her movie. This movie got a lot right, and it got some wrong (which we'll get into shortly). It's not perfect, but that's obviously an unrealistic bar. One of the core messages is something of which we humans should regularly be reminded. People aren't just what they appear to be from an outside perspective. We're all a little more alike than it seems. You can likely empathize with that [nerd/stoner/jock/superficial girl/rich boy] if you just look a little deeper, and while you're digging deep, it wouldn't hurt to cut yourself a little slack too.

This is the point where we speak of spoilers. You are officially on your own.


Roy: Full disclosure: I was a Lyft/Uber driver for about a year and a half. So the scene where these two young ladies shared way too much personal information with a strange pizza delivery guy hit close to home, and was an excellent reminder of an obvious lesson. We need to do a lot less blind trusting of strangers. If any of you knew the amount of rides I gave home to minors who spent most of the drive telling me no one was home.... Let's just say as a father I did a lot of internally screaming for those 18 months.  But I digress. Not only did the pizza guy scold our gal pals for their poor choice, explaining that he could be a sick murderer, when we found out he was just that later in the film it really paid off. But seriously, don't bring a stranger to your home and say that no one is there!

Cody: I'm glad you brought up the pizza scene. It was one of the few times where the writing took me out of the moment. These incredibly smart and responsible girls have decided earlier this same day to party for the first time in their lives. It's a big leap from there to using their hair as masks in a sad attempt to "rob" an address out of a pizza delivery guy. Maybe the point is that despite all their smarts, they're still just teenagers. Regardless, it came across as forced, as did the teacher (conveniently named Miss Fine) deciding on a whim to risk her career to have a fling with a student, even if he was a 20 year old student. Because of moments like these, Booksmart is a movie balancing itself between the realistic and emotional and the fantastical and absurd. Perhaps there is always going to be some element of that balancing act in a teenage comedy (Superbad's police officers spring to mind). The difference here is that Booksmart was doing so well with its realistic character moments, both dramatic and comedic (one eyed panda, anyone?), that the over the top stuff was superfluous.

Roy: As a teacher, watching the behavior of the students during the last day of school hurt my soul. Understanding first hand how chaotic things can get is one thing, watching a movie where the behavior is completely unrealistic is another. Having said that, I understand the point of those scenes were to show that it was the last day of school and that no one cared. Yes, that is a real occurrence. But I kept seeing the behavior and thought, "Where on earth are all the teachers and how are they allowing this? They must all be terrible at their jobs." It was over the top. Thank you for bringing up Ms. Fine... Her hooking up with a dumb graduate made no sense. They establish early in the film that she is smart and cool, and then completely abandon her character development for an ending they wanted to force... I haven't seen writing like that since Game of Thrones season 8.

Are we absolutely certain that's not Miley Cyrus?

Cody: Obviously there were some pieces of this movie with which to quibble, but I want to pay respects to one of the scenes that was great from start to finish. And that scene is simply everything that happened to Amy and Molly in the climactic party sequence. Subverting expectations has become a running joke, but this was a masterclass in how to do so correctly. Separating the two characters to let them appear to be finally living out their fantasies involving their crushes was such an excellent build up. Everything crescendos with stellar camerawork following Amy through the pool, full of hope and expectation, before the ultimate deflation of seeing her crush (who I swear was Miley Cyrus pretending to be a different actress) canoodling with none other than Molly's crush. In a teen comedy, which is as saturated as any genre in 2019, risks have to be taken to bring something unique to audiences. Booksmart took a lot of risks, and should be lauded for having the vast majority pay off. Only time will tell if this makes it into the zeitgeist of coming of age stories, but it wouldn't surprise either of these writers.

The COARD: John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum

Guess who's back, back again? If your answer was any of John Wick, your favorite blog, or Eminem, you'd be right! I mean seriously, his most recent song with Logic? Fire. Are we still saying fire? Or did Game of Thrones/Daenerys ruin that too? Anyway, we're back! As is Keanu Reeves for the third installment of the super fun shoot 'em up franchise, John Wick. Welcome to the latest iteration of The COARD.

Cody: What a movie to kick off our come back tour. Derek Kolstad and Chad Stahelski swung for the fences with 2014's franchise launcher, John Wick. Keanu Reeves signed on relatively early to Kolstad's script and actually recruited Stahelski in to direct based on their prior relationship working on, you guessed it, The Matrix trilogy. The result was a breath of fresh air in the action genre, which is no easy feat to achieve. Since then, the success and cachet of the franchise has only grown. To say the third installment follows a similar formula as its predecessors is to do a disservice to the wholly unique tone of this franchise. Yes, what you're walking into is essentially another nonstop killing spree, but sometimes getting exactly what you expect is completely satisfying. John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum is your go to meal at your favorite restaurant. It's your favorite band putting out another summer jam that reminds you why you loved their sound to begin with. 

Roy: The John Wick series has risen to the top and entered the conversation as one of the greatest action franchises in cinema history. It's not just the body count, although if you're curious you can find the exhaustively detailed reports of that here and here. It's how this movie delivers the mayhem. Is this series anything more than Baba Yaga killing over 190 people in its first two installments? Looking at that kill total, one could be forgiven for believing that all there is to this series is an incredibly handsome man exhibiting a stellar proficiency in judo throws and head-shots. But one would be oh so very wrong. John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum takes brutal violence and transforms it into art. It isn't just the cinematography, or the choreography, or the music, or the settings.... It's all of it. Stahelski takes every aspect of this movie and finds the beauty in it. Almost as if he is a director that rejects the premise that the darker side of humanity cannot contain beauty as a personal challenge and proves everyone wrong. Make no mistake, this movie was beautiful. In many different ways. Parabellum is an example of a movie that owns what it does best and never lets up. It's clear that everyone on this film works with intensity to make sure that you're not bored for even a moment. It starts with a relentless pace and never lets you up off the concrete.

Cody: And that pace somehow doesn't come at the cost of good cinematography. Dan Lausten got an Oscar nomination for Shape of Water just last year, another movie where the imagery does so much of the heavy lifting in setting the tone. Parabellum takes a moment to let the scene breathe at all the right moments, and in fact often does so in the middle of the aforementioned frenetic fight sequences. Speaking of those fight sequences, I can't even begin to imagine the sheer amount of hours that must go into the choreography for the movies in this franchise. The scenes these films are probably most famous for are the ones where Wick takes on eleventy billion baddies; killing each with some unique combination of hands, knives, or good ole fashioned guns. The effort involved and the attention to detail do not fail to impress. And yet you still get the sense that everyone involved is aware of, and willing to lean into, the absurdity behind this all. They want you to have fun, and Parabellum is just that.

Zero: Terrifying ninja of death

Roy: With all of the things we liked about this movie, you will not find us gushing about the acting. It's fine. It's not bad. Everyone does their part. But don't go to this expecting to see the give and take between two master thespians. You are going to a ballet. A note that I believe we are meant to realize as that particular dancing style is featured in this movie. It's a great comparison. During the first act, we are shown the physical toll ballerinas must pay if they are to excel at their craft. The fight choreography was no different. Of course we enjoy watching John create, quite literally, human pin cushions with a plethora of throwing knives, but the technical skill behind that scene had to take hours upon hours of dedication and work. In addition to being a visual feast, Parabellum is well written. In a moment where we, along with John are catching our breath, we are given a spark of levity that does not disappoint. Underneath it all, John's main antagonist is just a fanboy. Mark Dacascos does an excellent job being all of us. ..... If all of us were ninjas. It doesn't matter that he was trying to kill John. He gushes to his idol the first chance he gets. Understanding that he has found himself in a moment that is larger than him, and really.... he just hopes he can live up to it.

Spoiler alert! We'll get into some of the more specific plot points below, so continue on your own volition.

Cody: One of my absolute favorite pieces of this franchise is the way they've constructed the assassin underground. There is no time to waste on long explanations of minutiae of the world the characters reside in, because that time could be used wowing you with amazing kills. The lack of deliberate world building is a completely intentional tactic, according to Stahelski. Parabellum introduced us to an adjudicator, and you quickly understand that this high table employee does exactly as the name would suggest. The various judgments and punishments dolled out to those that helped, or didn't actively try to stop, Wick served as major tools to move the plot along outside of what Wick himself was up to. Wick spends roughly three-quarters of the movie fighting his way toward the ability to ask forgiveness from a man called The Elder, who leads the high table. That addition didn't work as well as the others for me (how is he running the high table from a location so remote that just getting supplies there seems like a logistical nightmare, let alone the complexities of internet infrastructure). My opinion on the value of each individual element weighs much less to me than my overall respect for Kolstad and Stahelski's continued commitment to not slow down and baby the audience. It's just another way the franchise gets it right.

Death on 12 legs

Roy: The "one who sits above the table" didn't work as well as they wanted it to. But it didn't harm the film either. It served as a transition from act 2 to act 3, plus getting there was really fun. I was astonished at the stunt work with the two German Shepherds. The always lovely Halle Berry had two attack dogs that were vicious, and yet you couldn't look away. What I loved most about that action sequence was the directors chose to show us the raw power these animals have when trained to go after a target. There was no CGI involved when you saw a German Shepherd lunge at a bad guy's gun hand from 8 feet away, grab hold, and allow their own momentum to fiercely drop a 200lb man. It was terrifying to behold. And just when I thought the dog scenes couldn't get any cooler, one of them jumped up a 12 foot wall using Halle Berry as a springboard. The creativity in this violent story rises above any expectations one could possibly have going into these films.... and I'm including die hard fans in that group. No one walks out of this disappointed.

Cody: Those. Dogs. Were. Awesome. Dogs have always been a central part of the ethos of this franchise. Stahelski actually wanted to get a dog fight into John Wick 2, but he underestimated the amount of time required to create "Dog-Fu." It became the first set in stone plot point of Parabellum. That action sequence was the best of the film, but there were so many other moments that made the audience ooh, ah, squirm, and even laugh. Wick hammering a knife into a man's skull got a lot of, "ohhhs" from the theater I attended. They threw in that random toenail removal just to make sure you were paying attention. We were. Loud groans. Though, the most audible moment of the movie came when Wick and Charon (Lance Reddick) switch up their fire power during the battle for the continental. After witnessing the immense durability of the baddies armor against standard weaponry, that first shotgun blast that removed 80% of some unsuspecting soldier's head was both shocking and hilarious. The crowd was left giggling with amazement, and I was compelled to join them.

Roy: After really thinking about it, I have one complaint about this movie. The last three fight scenes. It was when John is battling the top tier of the ninjas as the movie closes down.Wick vs. two ninjas, that formula repeated, followed by Wick vs. Zero - head bad ninja. It turned into a long sequence of the exact same fighting styles in the exact same location, it began to get monotonous. Compared to the rest of the movie though it is a small complaint and if I'm being accused of nitpicking, I won't disagree with you. John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum delivered more than we could have asked from it. I am thrilled that John Wick 4 is on its way.