The COARD: Baby Driver

The COARD duo has long awaited the arrival of Baby Driver. Partly because of our love for Jon Hamm (okay, mostly because of this), but also because the trailer sparked excitement. The cast was fantastic (did I mention Jon Hamm?) and the premise was highly enticing. Did Baby Driver live up to our expectations? Read on to get our full thoughts. Spoiler Alert: It totally freaking did.

Cody: Well, Roy, it's safe to say you got what you've been begging Hollywood for the last couple weeks. We both thought Baby Driver would be good. I don't think either of us thought it would be that good. I'm going to start with the obvious. The pace. Writer/director Edgar Wright deserves a boatload of credit here. It is so challenging to have a movie move this fast from beginning to end without coming across chaotic. It wasn't just nonstop action, either. There were moments of real depth of dialogue as well as some quality comedic relief. The amazing part is that those were usually the same moments. Hitting deep while still allowing your audience to laugh is an incredibly difficult balance to strike. Baby Driver did it organically throughout the whole experience. Meanwhile, all those pieces fit around some of the best action sequences I've seen in a long time. After it ended, I considered going to the restroom then walking back into the theater and sitting back down as if I "just arrived" for the next showing. So yea, I liked pretty much all of it. 

Roy: PEOPLE. IT'S HERE. IT'S FREAKING HERE! The cure for superhero fatigue. The salvation of summer movies. Remember 10 years ago when we subjected ourselves to Mandy Moore and sharks? Baby Driver makes our last review feel like a decade has passed. I sat through this movie and immediately tried to figure out when my next viewing could be. Ok, I'm gushing. Let's focus. Where to begin? I suppose we should start at the beginning. Baby Driver starts with immediate action. One of the things that I loved most about this film was they used almost no CGI to pull off the stunts. Darrin Prescott explained how they tried to do everything in camera. So when you see Baby's car do something that defies all logic, that means some crazy talented stunt driver really made the car actually do that, and it was captured on film, and then synced it up to music. That's right. You heard me.  If there is one thing that might be cooler than the driving in this movie, it's the music. Every time a song was paired with a moment in the movie it fit perfectly. Edgar Wright dusted off many forgotten gems in the music world and put them on full display, while introducing us to new genres like "Egyptian Reggae." I'm stepping on Cody's toes a little here. He's probably irritated that I was the first one to bring up a movie's use of music. I will now give him the proverbial dance floor. 

You rob to support a drug habit.
I do drugs to support a robbery habit.
-Bats

Cody: Well this was clearly a special case of music. Any actual scoring in the soundtrack by far took a back seat to whatever was playing on Baby's iPod. Something I particularly liked about the musical choices was the timing. The characters in the film would literally talk about why a particular song was chosen for a particular moment. It wasn't really breaking the fourth wall, but it was a really cool insight into the director's choices. So wow, we've made it this far in without mentioning the people who were actually on screen. That's a testament to a supremely well made movie. But let it be known, each and every actor was superb. I'm going to focus in on Jamie Foxx. For me, he was a notch above the rest of the crew, which I promise is saying a lot given everyone else's performances. I doubt it actually happens because politics and such, but his performance was strong enough for a best supporting actor nod at the Oscar's. He owned his entirely crazy character. Bravo, Jamie.

Roy: The best compliment I can give Foxx on his performance is that I completely forgot I was watching Jamie Foxx. His performance really was that good. And as good as he was, everyone in this film held their own, especially the moments between Hamm and Foxx (in what I am calling the Battle Of The Unnecessary Double Consonants!) I'm starting a petition and I expect all of you to sign it. From now until forever, Jon Hamm should only be allowed to play characters that are a-holes. I have no idea what he is really like. Everything I have read or seen, people talk about how nice he is. But there is a quality about him. He knows how to dance on that line that makes you love and hate his characters all at the same time. While his character Buddy is vastly different from Don Draper, they share that quality. I should also mention Ansel Elgort and Lily James. Both are relative newcomers. Both have definitely starred in at least one other movie that you heard of (The Fault In Our Stars  and Cinderella , respectively). Both played their parts to perfection. As wonderful as all of the moving pieces were in this film, the core, it's heart and soul belong to the duo of Elgort and James. They took a fun action movie and injected it with real emotion. 

 

Spoiler alert, we're now going to continue gushing over how awesome this movie is! There will just be actual plot details now, so the reader assumes all risks when proceeding.

Cody: My favorite part of the movie was all of it. Roy?

Roy: As much as I want to crush you for wussing out on your opening paragraph I can't really blame you. I sat and stared at the screen for a solid few minutes trying to decide where to begin revealing spoilers. As much as I loved the music and how the story unfolded in front of our eyes, the car stuff was arguably the best thing about this movie. I'm a car nerd. Not a huge one. But enough of one to notice how truly remarkable all of these stunts were. There is nothing quite like a perfectly executed Rockford Turn. Baby used a car for everything. Even killing Bats, who very much needed to be killed. When the crew was about to pull a bank job and the camera lingered on a clustered set of rebar hanging off the back of a flatbed truck it was clear someone was going to die a very painful death. It was even more satisfying then I thought possible to see that it happened to Foxx's character. And once again, it was done to music. Baby moved down the street to music, did everything to music. It was so well done beginning to end. Holy crap I loved this movie.

Cody: Well it's simply impossible to try to narrow down some singular moments of the movie when the entire thing was fun from start to finish. Alas. I shall go back to music. The fact that Baby had tinnitus was a great addition to provide context to the constant use of music. It wasn't necessary, but it added to his character and therefore to the overall character of the film. A smaller side piece of this was his deaf foster father. Two hearing impaired individuals who are bonded by a love of music one of them needs to function and the other can't even hear. Their dynamic was easy and deep. All of this provided another emotional layer to the movie. And while we're on the subject of music, I just want it out there on the record that the climactic chase scene was absolutely stupendous. Starting from Baby

Music and movie fused as one seamless unit

causing Bats' brutal demise, the action and music synced so perfectly, I could spend the better part of a day watching it on a loop. Speaking of, I wonder if anybody has put that up on YouTube yet? I'll see everybody later..

Roy: From the time we started this review, until the moment we finished it I have had the privilege to see this movie twice. I picked up so much more the second time. My first viewing I was bombarded with fun and the coolness factor of this movie. The second viewing I truly began to understand how remarkable this film is. There is almost constant music, and I mean that. You might think that takes away from the film. It doesn't. Anytime there isn't music there is a slight ringing underneath what is going on, and it doesn't go away until more music is played. Wright uses this as an excellent device to keep us alongside Baby the entire movie, experiencing his viewpoint. Lastly, every gunshot in this movie was fired to the beat of whatever song was playing during the action sequence. It wasn't just how Baby moved that was connected to music. Quite literally, everything in the movie was connected to music. Everyone should see this movie because it represents everything a movie can be. Unique. Thrilling. Fun. Intense. Unique. Yes I know I said unique twice. Because no one has ever made a movie like this before. It was masterfully done. 

The COARD: 47 Meters Down

This week there was nothing worthwhile to see, let alone review. We were faced with watching Michael Bay continue to only make movies that involved either radioactive turtles or alien robots that turn into cars. And yet... We could take our chances on 47 Meters Down. Didn't I just drop a deuce all over that film? You would be correct. I did just recently tell all of you that there was no chance it was going to be good. But you know what? I'm a man who can admit when I am wrong. However, this is most definitely not one of those times. Also we are all wading in spoiler infested waters here. Trust us, all we are doing is saving you 90 minutes of your life.

Roy: 47 Meters Down met my expectations, unfortunately that's not a good thing. I'm always fascinated to hear what the reaction must have been when a producer read the script as it was written. No one could have done that and thought the writing was particularly good. But they went ahead and made it anyway. It was obviously an attempt to ride the wake of last summer's superb shark offering, The Shallows. While both of these movies are about sharks eating people, The Shallows brought something to the table that 47 Meters Down never got close to. Within the first 10 minutes of The Shallows you care about Blake Lively's character. In addition to that, Jaume Collet-Serra made a beautiful movie to look at. It immediately drew you in and you found yourself invested. That never happened with 47 Meters Down. The big emotional hook for this film was centered around Mandy Moore hiding a break up from her sister. Apparently "Carlos" thought Mandy was too boring. I've got to tell you, I was proud of one person in this film, and it was the off-screen "Carlos." Dude had enough sense to not show up to this bucket of chum they called a film. Bravo Carlos, bravo.

No Research. No Sense. No Good.

Cody: I'm glad you mentioned the beauty of The Shallows. 47 Meters Down moved in exactly the opposite direction. It felt very much like they were trying to make The Shallows 2: Things Get Deeper. Tagline: "Twice the trapped women, four times the sharks, 10 times the suspense!" Anyway, the visuals felt over engineered. Director Johannes Roberts tried to create a sense of foreboding with long drawn out shots of ocean scenery from both above and below the water. Or perhaps he knew no better way to get this thing to 90 minutes. Either way, it came across more forced than foreboding. Especially because once the ladies got to 47 meters down, there isn't much you can visually do. I assume the perpetual darkness with only little ocean floaties to be seen was meant to up the terror factor. I was too busy squinting for it to work. I would be lying if I said there was never any suspense, though. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in a while, and the first time the useless/boring sister (Mandy Moore) ventured out into the open ocean definitely ratcheted up the suspense. However, they proceeded to repeat this same model for suspense over and over to significantly diminishing returns. By the 10th time one of the sisters had to leave the safety of the cage, I was rolling my eyes rather than holding my breath. Or did the sisters only leave the cage eight times? I'm not sure, I may have been "hallucinating" due to nitrogen narcosis.

"How do you survive?"
Hallucinate your way to the top, obviously

Roy: You know what Cody? The more I think about this movie the more I think it was one of the better shark movies I've ever seen. The suspense was real, as was the constant pit in my stomach wondering if our heroines would ever get back to their family. Every moment was more exciting than the last! It was the thrill ride of the summer! Jaws-schmaws! Spielberg wishes he got some of that 47 Meters Down action! ..... This small and completely ridiculously false scene was brought to you by nitrous narcosis, or what this movie would have you believe it is. Allow me to explain... At one point, the Not Mandy-Moore sister is obviously eaten by a shark, mostly off camera. Soon Mandy Moore decides to venture out of the cage yet again, and somehow saves her sister who apparently was attacked by a shark with Stormtrooper aim because here she is...alive. They somehow ascend quickly and survive roughly 27 circling sharks. Truthfully, this is where things were not terrible in the movie. Even I found myself tensing up slightly. They are rescued by the boat above them despite both having huge chunks of their legs in the bellies of the sharks. So when I found out this was all an elaborate dream by Mandy Moore at the bottom of the ocean due to nitrous narcosis, I laughed. Hard. Out Loud. The people around me had to wonder what I found so funny. It was supposed to be a devastating moment. It was the very definition of laughable. You think the girls are saved, and you see that Mandy is actually alone and no closer to salvation, still 47 meters below the surface. Except she's relieved because she really believes they have been saved. I researched wikipediaed nitrous narcosis. Elaborate fake worlds are not created. You feel drunk. Or high. And your vision gets cloudy. The fact that the producers couldn't be bothered to type the words "nitrous narcosis" into wikipedia's search engine, or did and decided not to care is pathetic. I have no more words. I've wasted too much time on this film as it is. Cody, you got anything clever and amusing to close us down with?

Cody: Did you notice they were communicating with the boat all that time with scuba masks on that didn't cover their ears? Another blatant flaw that could have been avoided by a single person using their brain. This was simply not good. However, it could have been a lot worse. I'm going to end this review now because there's no possible way we could write something to entertain you more than just spending a few minutes reading the titles and taglines in this list of terrible shark movies. My personal favorite is #43, a clear attempt to ride the wave of success from Sharknado, which obviously also makes the list. Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche. Why are they having a bikini contest in a place that has snow, which is a requirement for an avalanche? Let alone how did the sharks find themselves also in an avalanche? I know how I'm spending my evening!

The COARD: The Mummy

This week we visit yet another studio's attempt to create a movie universe. Universal, through its subsidiary Dark Universe, tries its hand with The Mummy. They hitched their wagon to one Tom Cruise, the man who has oscillated between cool and washed up more than maybe any other Hollywood A-Lister before him. But what did we think about it? Dive in here to find out, but beware of the spoiler section. Ancient secrets are buried there with really obvious warnings that any normal person would heed. I'm getting ahead of myself.

Cody: So let's start with the important stuff. Tom Cruise is cool in this movie. He's not apex cool, but he's definitely leaning more to that side of the spectrum than the lame side. He's definitely playing himself playing a character who is really himself, which is exactly where we all want him to be. Jake Johnson was playing Nick Miller playing a character in one of his novels. And then there's the fear. You all know I had serious concerns walking into this thing. I'm thankful to say that I survived to walk out of the theater on the other end, but there were definitely some moments of doubt. The suspense was high at times, and, in those few moments, it was enough to inspire hands-over-face-eye-balls-peaking-through-fingers behavior. So overall, the movie was enjoyable and kept my interest throughout the entire experience. Were there some plot holes you could drive Harry Potter's Knight Bus through without needing the use of magic? Sure, there definitely was (and I'll gladly poke some holes later!), but you shouldn't be walking into this movie expecting a tightly woven story. You should be expecting entertainment. That's exactly what I got from The Mummy.

Is this so much to ask?

Roy: I was also entertained... at times. Did I hate it? No. Did I love it? No. It was right in the middle. The movie itself wasn't boring, but I wasn't wow'ed. And I desperately wanted to be wow'ed. If you read my op-ed piece last week where I was complaining about Cody gallivanting through our national sand box, then you know that all I want from Hollywood is to come along and kick me right in the nards with an unexpected, life changing movie. So maybe my view point was skewed a bit. There were definitely things I disliked about the movie. For instance, I found it difficult to care about Cruise's character, Nick Morton. Cruise played the prototypical good looking tool bag who spent most of the movie caring only about himself and ruining the lives of anyone who had the misfortune to spend any amount of time with him. Oh by the way, he's also the worst best-friend a guy could ever ask for. So when the movie wanted me to care about him not dying, all I felt was ambivalence. They definitely tried to get us to understand that deep, deep down he was really a good guy. Albeit, a good guy who was buried underneath a facade of douchebaggery of his own creation. Unfortunately, every opportunity he had to show us that good side he chose not to. So I found myself unable to relate to his character.

Cody: I'm sorry, didn't I say that Tom Cruise was playing himself in this? I'm not sure why you needed so many words to agree with me, but I'm glad we're on the same page. Still think Cruise was medium levels of cool, though. This movie is definitely exactly what Roy has been complaining about. It had all the trappings of what could be a mega blockbuster. The Cruise, large budget, special effects, etc. It just, wasn't that, and they rarely are. That's why I'm not mad about the experience. I'm resigned to our fate in this summer world. It's also what makes me so grateful when something like Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 comes along. I've given up on Hollywood blockbusters, but Roy is still holding on. So when I walked into The Mummy, I walked in expecting an Applebee's cheeseburger. Decent, filling, but not all that satisfying. Roy, the optimist, walked in expecting a wagyu steak. So I guess what I'm really getting at is; yes, Roy, it is too much to ask for a movie to kick you right in the nards these days. I'll continue to enjoy my cheeseburger as much as I can.

Roy: So movies just suck now? I'm supposed to roll over and allow Hollywood to keep pumping out mediocre film after mediocre film without shouting from the rooftops my disgust at their penchant for choosing cash over art? Besides being an optimist, I'm also a realist. I understand that my tiny voice will accomplish nothing in the grand scheme of things. Until a game changer comes along or Disney runs out of Marvel stories to tell, this is the summer season we get. I feel like Cosmo Kramer, digging in Jerry's fridge and only finding health food, "I may have to take it, but I don't have to like it." I suppose I should attempt to steer us back to The Mummy. I didn't hate everything about it. One of the bright spots came via Russel Crowe as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. He took his short moments on screen and made the most out of them. Even if he also brought us one of the funniest parts of the movie that I will unpack more thoroughly in the spoiler section. Truthfully, everyone did a great job. This film was well acted. It was the writers who dropped the ball with this one.

Cody: It's truly a tough line to walk. I do want to hold Hollywood to a reasonable standard, but I also want to enjoy the summer season. So basically, this is me admitting that I sometimes have to drop my critic standards to allow myself to be entertained as a movie fan. I allowed myself to enjoy this one, but that does not at all mean there weren't some flaws. Roy's aforementioned dropping of the metaphorical ball by the writers needs to be addressed. With that in mind, let's get into some holes spoilers

In case you didn't notice, we are now going to talk spoilers! Turn back if you really don't want to read about the plot points of this movie that we're about to rip apart.

Cody: Alright, so it's still me. I'll get going with one of my main gripes, then I promise to let Roy be smug as well. The Mummy lady picks a dude to become her vessel for the god she wants to bring to Earth, but they get interrupted. He dies, and she is entombed. She comes back and chooses Tom Cruise to be her vessel. Who then dies. And she proceeds to raise him from the dead so that he can be the main character/future god. She also proceeds to raise a crap load of people from the dead to be her minions. Why did the chosen one have to be Cruise? Because the writers needed a reason for him to be the most important character in the movie, and they were lazy! Sigh. They just never think these things through. Roy, you want to take the next one?

Roy: Or the fact that the Mummy Queen spent the entire movie trying to plunge a magic dagger in to the heart of the Cruise so he will become possessed by her lover and they can rule the world. He obviously spends the entire movie trying to keep this from happening. So it was a good idea to imagine a creative way for him to defeat the mummy queen. Or. You know, he could just finally do what he has spent the entire movie trying not to do and plunge the dagger in his heart. Now, this would seem like an odd choice. Never fear. The Cruise has a plan. He's just going to control the raging evil he has inside of him. (Which is a new choice for The Cruise because, you know, Scientology). He kills the mummy, resurrects his dead bestie, and they go on future adventures searching the world for answers. I'm not even sure how to respond to that story arc. It speaks for itself. And it's trying to tell you that it's really quite stupid. 

Controls birds, insects, and the dead,
easily captured by men with rope guns

Cody: Well and apparently a mortal human is able to keep the wrath of a god at bay because of his zero love for a girl he shagged once only because he wanted to steal information from her? Must have been that good man buried deep inside him we kept hearing about. The Mummy's powers were entirely inconsistent across the whole movie. One minute she is calling a flock of birds (from inside a coffin, mind you!) to crash a plane in the exact location (that she somehow inherently knows) of an ancient dagger that she needs for her ritual. The next she is easily captured by mortal humans with rope guns. Then she is held captive for seemingly an extended period of time only to telepathically control a spider that climbs inside a guy's head and controls him to turn off all the defenses keeping her there. Given some of the things she does, especially considering this all started when she had regained her former power while still a skeleton inside a coffin, I don't understand how she didn't just wreak havoc over everyone the entire time. She could have stabbed Cruise in the heart far earlier in the film, he would have staved off the evil god to save his newly acquired blonde friend, and we could have wrapped this up well before the two hour mark! I guess credit to the writers for stretching this into a feature length film despite lacking the necessary content to do so?

Roy: I have one last beef to close this review down with. As much as I enjoyed Russel Crowe in this there was one glaring problem for his character. Dr. Jekyll developed a serum that barely works. I suppose it kind of works... But he has to take it like once every 90 minutes or so, and he has to give himself 6 vials at once and loads them all into this weird revolver syringe contraption that he delivers to himself through the back of his hand? Am I the only one that thinks that is a super labor intensive way of keeping the demon inside of you? And that folks, is a perfect microcosm if what was wrong with this movie. With just a little more thought and creativity this movie could have been so much more. Instead they let two 7th grade boys flesh out the major details of this movie. At least it feels like that. If you haven't seen The Mummy and you're looking for a movie to pass the time, you could do worse. You could also do way way better.