The Odyssey Continues

Don’t call it a comeback

I been here for years
LL Cool J

Roy: It’s not easy to sum up the story of this journey in ten words, but this is why God gave us LL Cool J. We could easily both regale and bore you with the stories of our lives over the past two years and explain why we have not written a word on this blog or watched any more movies on what we now refer to as “The dumbest list in human history.” But let’s be honest with each other. No one gives a crap. I barely give a crap and I lived it. The important thing is. We are back! Back for a summer of movies and pretentious snark. Who doesn’t want that?

Cody: I still stand by my idea of making the next 24 posts a recap of each month of our lives that we’ve been away. I think people would clamor for that. Alas, we will continue on in our new thread.  That’s right, new. Let’s all just address the elephant in the room. The Odyssey was thus named due to the length of our mission. One thousand and one freaking movies. We did...seven. That’s not even 1% of the way through. When was the last time anyone anywhere did less than 1% of anything. In fact, we may be among the top 1% of failures, in terms of sheer magnitude of failure (all stats approximate). I’m putting the fault here at 75/25 “the dumbest list in human history” vs. us. The list was clearly incorrectly titled, because nobody should ever see all those movies. We take part of the blame as well, because we knew the book was going to be pretentious going in, and we thought ourselves up to the task of matching that pretentiousness. Some of you may think we’re as pretentious as they come, but let me tell you, putting together that list and saying you must see them. Well that level of pretentiousness makes the Louvre look like a middle school gymnasium.

Roy: And really, I blame Bollywood and Afghanistan. Had we been able to keep cranking out reviews on movies like Kiss Me Deadly and Jaws we definitely would have at least hit double digits. But Dewar and Osama broke us like Sly Stallone and Tommy Morrison, and really anyone having anything to do with Rocky V, broke that franchise. I look at our little counter on the right hand side of this blog and the three zeroes before the number seven mocks me. Seriously bro… THREE?! We couldn’t be bothered to watch and review three more moves to hit that 1%? And yet, one has to admit… We are impressive even in our failures. But this new idea? This one has legs.

Cody: That’s right, Roy. This idea has serious legs. Coming up with this idea is like casting Michael B Jordan to play Apollo Creed’s son. That's right. It's a franchise resurrection. 16 weeks of movie reviews. One, sometimes two, hell maybe even three movies in a week! New movies fresh into theaters. Movies we carefully chose. Well, mostly we chose. I was overruled in some cases. But I’m cool with it. It’s not like I’m going to start a civil war over it or anything. That would be really dumb. Starting a civil war with your friend and teammate. Can you even imagine such a scenario? Anyway, I digress. So yes, our new plan has the legs to carry us all the way. We have absolutely no doubt about our chances to succeed (anybody taking over/under bets on how many weeks we make it, let me know. I’ve got action on <4). No. Doubt. We’re going all the way this time, and you’re all invited back in for the ride!

Roy: Cody. I do not care how bad you want to see Warcraft. I swear on everything that is holy, if you keep whining about that dumpster fire I am going to split our friends in half and start a war that will wreak untold damage. Before you know it, all sorts of unexpected people will be contractually obligated to show up to our street rumble. Then the whole world will come out to watch, just because Spiderm- uhh. I mean, “unexpected friends” will feel obligated to choose sides. All because you want to see a big green orc with what looks to be a useless and extremely painful canine ring.

Cody: Don’t you put that evil on me. I’m steering far clear of that bonafide flop fest, but we don’t want to give away too many opinions or hints right off the bat. Especially our new movie expectations preview that we’re implementing in that popular but succinct style. Those previews will start dropping on a weekly basis before we review a movie. We’ll post the first one with a little explanation later this week before we review a movie that may or may not be released this weekend. Could be any of the one movie that is being released this weekend. Whatever film it might be, it is the beginning of the next chapter of The COARD. We look forward to a summer of good movies, not so good movies, and hopefully, a lot of laughs along the way.